Originally posted by kevin349
Dude... Just stand up and say..... I gotta go drop the cosby's of at the pool, I'll be back in 5
I usually try to designate a good solid 10 minutes when I'm takin a squat. Whenever I'm at this one bar downtown, there is a coffee shop across the street. I'll tell people I'm gettin' tired and goin' for a coffee, then go take a miraculously comforting, yet sometimes strenuous dump. Its the best plan ever.
I said "HAD" a new chick over. Then when she left I thought, "Post on PbN, take a dump?"... of course, I chose this idiot box instead. After like 10 more minutes of my bowels attempting to move, a tear ran down my eye. Then I took care of business. Now, this chick had bought me a bigass lunch today at this mexican restuarant she works at, so you can imagine the turmoil I was in while he was here until 6am...
I still feel my posts are really random. I got 4 hours sleep, and my stupid mom thinks cause its stupid mother's day, she's entitled to waking me up. Stupid mothers.
On a 12 day canoe trip, I didn't crap for the first 9 days. I was the only one to put ON weight during this trip. I mean, I ate almost everyone's leftovers, I ate most of these 3 girl's meals... I ate a ton. I didn't wanna take a dump though, due to some real stupid rules.
1. One square of tissue per wipe. (2-ply)
2. We must KEEP this tissue on us for the entire trip, as leaving it in the natural woodlands of Canada could alter the ecosystem (BS, but it was a rule.)
So as much as I wanted to carry around a bag of my own papery **** for almost two weeks, I decided to hold it. The first couple days were hard, then after that I didn't even feel the need. On the 9th day, I all of a sudden felt the urge, and it was convenient, so I went looking for a good spot. This one dude had actually snuck 2 rolls of TP on trip with him, so I borrowed a roll, and went to work. I found a beautiful, and I mean beautiful place to pinch one off. 2 fallen trees, crossed over eachother. I mean, it was like I had just come across a breifcase with a million dollars.
I spent 15 minutes on those crossed trees, and probably at least 1/4 roll of TP. I swear, I dropped over 5 pounds in that sitting. It was a tremendously weight off my... bowels. I was told that even though the campsite was 100-150ft away, the stench DID make it over there. If I wasn't in such a blissful state, I might have cared... I simply laughed it off, and called it a day.
I have to get to know a girl a little better, then I tell 'em whats up. I'm thinking this girl might be girlfriend material, insofar she's pretty cool, loves paintball and soccer (my 2 favourite sports) and really knows how-to work it... so I don't want her to think my **** do stank. My roses really smell like poo-poo-oooo........ ohhhhhh.
This post took me like 15 minutes to type. I'm stopping now.