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Old 10-08-2013, 08:32 PM #652
stanthebenzoman
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Or at the very least maybe just whip my junk out and stare them dead in the eyes?
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Old 10-08-2013, 08:54 PM #653
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Originally Posted by SUR3 View Post
well its def real ****ing annoying for her that you're an insecure *****. if she was going to cheat on you she will do it regardless so might as well not be a ***** the whole relationship. not to mention the fact its completely unattractive. why not just take it as a compliment? she could be ugly as **** and there are guys who would still hit on her. relax, bro
.

unless they're making her uncomfortable or being rude there's no reason to intervene
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:02 PM #654
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.

unless they're making her uncomfortable or being rude there's no reason to intervene
Don't agree with him often but he is 100% right
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:22 PM #655
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Been with my girlfriend now for a little over three years, she recently moved to CO to go to school and I'm starting my sophomore year 650 miles away. We've had a rocky past with my inability to stay faithful to her but have worked things out and come a remarkably far ways since then. I typically make it out there every other weekend and or she'll come back here every other week. I feel like our sex life has gradually declined since we moved so far apart. We used to inseparable having great passionate sex 4-5+ times a week sometimes more. Now it's about once a weekend and it feels as if we're merely sleeping together to satisfy an urge and get it out of the way because it's unavailable for the rest of the two week separation.

Now this weekend is when it got complicated. I went to stay with her over my birthday weekend and everything went fine up until Sunday. Saturday night (my birthday) she left for about three hours for an engineering banquet in the evening, no big deal other life obligations exist I understand. So I drank alone at a brewery for a few hours then she met up with me, we had one drink, and went home and went to bed before midnight. No sex as she was "feeling sick." This doesn't bother me as a much as it concerns me it just felt weird. We agreed we would get up at a decent time and spend the day together in Denver and have a great time. The next morning the alarm goes off and she states she wants to back to sleep for a bit, no big deal. I get out of bed to shower. This is where I cant decide if I ****ed up or not. Instead of waking her up (which I still hold is not my responsibility) she slept until 1pm. I had left much earlier and walked around alone and spent the morning enjoying my own company. She then wakes up and blames the **** out of me for abandoning her and how this is all my fault. We then proceeded to argue aggressively for a few hours in the car before going back to her place.

At this point she wants to take "a break" until Thanksgiving break. Which is two months away. She says she'll stay faithful and expects me to do the same as we still love each other and want this to work. She feels this time apart will hit the reset button on our relationship. The really difficult part is she justifies this because she is admittedly unhappy with her life at the moment. She feels she cant be happy with me unless she can be happy with herself in own pursuits and lifestyle. I completely agree with this statement and the notion you cant love anyone if you dont love yourself.

Now I'm back home and she continues to talk to me and become upset when I dont respond or call her. After she specifically asked me for space on more than one occasion.

Whatdo ST? I'm just confused and my head is spinning. I feel like we may be growing apart but it's too early to tell. I love this girl but this seems to be getting very complicated. I'm trying to not make this about myself because she needs some soul searching and I can respect that. I try to respect her space but she wont even take the time for herself. She just keeps coming back.

I'd say prepare yourself for a break up, however, also be receptive to what she has to say. If you do really love her, staying with her in a LDR isn't supposed to be easy. I'm sure what you two are going through is normal, and I expect to go through the same with the girl I'm dating now (currently living 2.5 hours away from her, and will be for the next two years). If she wants to take a break, then make her take a break. No contact. Tell her what you told us, and don't be afraid to. Next time she tries to call you, tell her that you two are on break and just hang up (not that bluntly, of course, but that's the gist of it).
It also kind of seems that you need to man the **** up a bit. I say this in relation to your story about getting up and letting her sleep in a bit. For her to freak out about that is completely asinine, so let her know it. Good luck.
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:43 PM #656
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.

unless they're making her uncomfortable or being rude there's no reason to intervene
Yeah im not a douche about it, I only intervene when I see touching or *** grabbing, **** like that.
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Old 10-08-2013, 11:07 PM #657
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It also kind of seems that you need to man the **** up a bit. I say this in relation to your story about getting up and letting her sleep in a bit. For her to freak out about that is completely asinine, so let her know it. Good luck.
Yea my first long relationship started in high school I was too nice to the girl at the beginning and she was of course the type to take advantage of that. We broke up once high school was over in Spring 2008. Met my current in spring of 2010.

She is a completely different/better girl, but regardless I laid down the law early. Tough to explain.....I guess just kinda made it clear she wasn't getting what she wanted when she wanted type of deal. I found it hard to change the dynamic of the first relationship whenever I had ****ed up from the start.
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Old 10-08-2013, 11:10 PM #658
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Originally Posted by stanthebenzoman View Post

Yeah im not a douche about it, I only intervene when I see touching or *** grabbing, **** like that.
Bad move again .

Don't do anything and observe how she behaves . If she acts like a **** drop her like she is hot or just treat her as a **** .

Only intervene when you see touching or *** grabbing . So if clay Mathews or Brock lesner grabs her *** and she doesn't do **** you do what exactly ?

She needs to handle **** herself . If she is inviting it / not handling it you need to treat her as a loose **** not a future wife .
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Old 10-08-2013, 11:10 PM #659
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Don't agree with him often but he is 100% right
you talking about me? i rarely post in here
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Yeah im not a douche about it, I only intervene when I see touching or *** grabbing, **** like that.
well that's different. but regardless, nothing to argue with her about because she isn't putting their hands on her ***
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Old 10-09-2013, 01:23 AM #660
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I'd say prepare yourself for a break up, however, also be receptive to what she has to say. If you do really love her, staying with her in a LDR isn't supposed to be easy. I'm sure what you two are going through is normal, and I expect to go through the same with the girl I'm dating now (currently living 2.5 hours away from her, and will be for the next two years). If she wants to take a break, then make her take a break. No contact. Tell her what you told us, and don't be afraid to. Next time she tries to call you, tell her that you two are on break and just hang up (not that bluntly, of course, but that's the gist of it).
It also kind of seems that you need to man the **** up a bit. I say this in relation to your story about getting up and letting her sleep in a bit. For her to freak out about that is completely asinine, so let her know it. Good luck.
Thanks, i'll provide an update once and a while. Was already planning to cut her off tomorrow when she asks why "I seem so distant" This is the first girl I've ever been in love with and I'm 22 now. My whole life since age 15 I've just slept around and dated casually to my heart's (or dick's) content I should say. Now it's different, and I can feel that. I know she does as well but it's complicated and murky right now for both of us. We've been through more than most of my best friend's and I and have done a lot of growing up together.

In my defense I absolutely laid down the law when it came to her being irate about allowing her to sleep in. That's what hurt her enough to ask for some space and some time to recollect herself. She told me she feels I'm too good at mind games and she has felt powerless the whole time we've been together. The fact she a bit younger doesn't help this effect. She also feels she walks on egg shells when we're together because she's afraid of disappointing me or starting a confrontation. I feel that my presence is stressing her out. To be honest to you ST it is exceptionally rare I display or communicate my anger in any way shape or form. Especially around her. But when it gets to that point it becomes hurtful very quickly. This merely adds to my self defeat and confusion in the whole situation.
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Old 10-09-2013, 01:58 AM #661
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My girlfriend is the type of person that puts everyone else before her, especially me. I don't know if it's because she hates confrontation so much, or she just really likes to give away what she has. I don't know. She is so timid and shy sometimes, it's almost just frustrating, because she holds herself back. She gets stressed out over the smallest things. I'm 4 years older than her, yet I see so much of myself in her, when I was that age; so for me, it's hard to have the patience to deal with that sort of stuff all over again, especially when I'm trying to grow and manage my own life. But, I think I love her because of who she is and how much fun we have together. We get along great, and have these moments where we will be in the car going somewhere, it will be totally silent for an hour, and one of us will say the exact thing that the other was/is thinking at that exact moment, whether it's a past memory, a question about the other person, or whatever. It's really weird and special, and I don't think I would find that with anyone else.
However, we had a talk tonight about the future. I am going back to school in my MBA program, 2.5 hours away from where she lives, and I'll be here for the next two years. After that, I'm going to apply to work for the United Nations, which would probably be out of country, for another two years... She said she would follow me, but I really don't know how practical that would be. She would be leaving everything behind, and I don't know what she would do while with me in another country, when she hasn't even finished school yet. We don't know what we are going to do.

/emotions
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:02 AM #662
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Originally Posted by Mr.Familiar View Post
My girlfriend is the type of person that puts everyone else before her, especially me. I don't know if it's because she hates confrontation so much, or she just really likes to give away what she has. I don't know. She is so timid and shy sometimes, it's almost just frustrating, because she holds herself back. She gets stressed out over the smallest things. I'm 4 years older than her, yet I see so much of myself in her, when I was that age; so for me, it's hard to have the patience to deal with that sort of stuff all over again, especially when I'm trying to grow and manage my own life. But, I think I love her because of who she is and how much fun we have together. We get along great, and have these moments where we will be in the car going somewhere, it will be totally silent for an hour, and one of us will say the exact thing that the other was/is thinking at that exact moment, whether it's a past memory, a question about the other person, or whatever. It's really weird and special, and I don't think I would find that with anyone else.
However, we had a talk tonight about the future. I am going back to school in my MBA program, 2.5 hours away from where she lives, and I'll be here for the next two years. After that, I'm going to apply to work for the United Nations, which would probably be out of country, for another two years... She said she would follow me, but I really don't know how practical that would be. She would be leaving everything behind, and I don't know what she would do while with me in another country, when she hasn't even finished school yet. We don't know what we are going to do.

/emotions
Drop out of school and become an accountant .

Your career isn't very relationship friendly right now . You need to realize that . Just like a rock star stripper army ranger or IT consultant who is constantly traveling .
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Old 10-09-2013, 11:48 AM #663
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Your career isn't very relationship friendly right now . You need to realize that . Just like a rock star stripper army ranger or IT consultant who is constantly traveling .
Thank you for your vast wisdom.
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Old 10-09-2013, 11:54 AM #664
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Thank you for your vast wisdom.
So what's more important your career or your relationship . Decide and do the right thing
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Old 10-09-2013, 12:01 PM #665
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After the 5th unanswered text she sent me I responded accordingly explaining we're on a break and i'm going to treat it as such. She got the message and backed off. Now how long should I let things cool off before I say anything again? I want to attempt to work this out but do not want to rush into things and make the mistake of forcing it.
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Old 10-09-2013, 12:12 PM #666
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1) She will text you again so don't worry
2) Don't be surprised if she bangs some dude and gives you the "well you weren't talking to me so I thought we were over for good" excuse. I don't know if you two agreed not to see other people during this but don't be blindsided if that happens.
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Old 10-09-2013, 12:44 PM #667
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Drop out of school and become an accountant .

Your career isn't very relationship friendly right now . You need to realize that . Just like a rock star stripper army ranger or IT consultant who is constantly traveling .
spoken like someone who seems to know the bare minimum or net to nothing about the army or military service in general. There are plenty of soldiers who carry successful relationships through travel and constant deployments just like everyone else in the world your relationship and how it balances with your career is entirely dependent on the two people involved in said relationship...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Familiar View Post
My girlfriend is the type of person that puts everyone else before her, especially me. I don't know if it's because she hates confrontation so much, or she just really likes to give away what she has. I don't know. She is so timid and shy sometimes, it's almost just frustrating, because she holds herself back. She gets stressed out over the smallest things. I'm 4 years older than her, yet I see so much of myself in her, when I was that age; so for me, it's hard to have the patience to deal with that sort of stuff all over again, especially when I'm trying to grow and manage my own life. But, I think I love her because of who she is and how much fun we have together. We get along great, and have these moments where we will be in the car going somewhere, it will be totally silent for an hour, and one of us will say the exact thing that the other was/is thinking at that exact moment, whether it's a past memory, a question about the other person, or whatever. It's really weird and special, and I don't think I would find that with anyone else.
However, we had a talk tonight about the future. I am going back to school in my MBA program, 2.5 hours away from where she lives, and I'll be here for the next two years. After that, I'm going to apply to work for the United Nations, which would probably be out of country, for another two years... She said she would follow me, but I really don't know how practical that would be. She would be leaving everything behind, and I don't know what she would do while with me in another country, when she hasn't even finished school yet. We don't know what we are going to do.

/emotions
Depending on what she is studying she could consider doing online courses or something during the time you would be over seas... Furthermore, depending on what country you go to they could actually have pretty extensive jobs available for your g.f. (if she can get a visa to come with you) doing a myriad of different functions. I think what you and her need to do is really hammer things out beyond just a simple conversation. Actually sit down togeather and plan for the future. Try to anticipate and plan for all possible issues you think you could both face.

As for dude on the break... I really think you and old girl need to just talk about what the heck is going on. She is clearly under some stress from school or the long distance or something. After a few days of "being on break" give her a call and ask her how she is doing. Then ask her if school is stressing her out or if something else has her stressed. I can almost garuntee everything will come tumbling out. She is likely under so much pressure/stress that she isnt feeling right and as such its taxing her ability to deal with your relationship. Talking about it with her can at this point only help to either re-solidify the relationship and help you past the "break" or solidly identify the relationship as over and begin to allow you to move on. When you are in a relationship for some time with someone you should not feel like you are unable to ask them honest questions about their feelings towards the relationship and where you both stand within that relationship. Her comments about walking on egg shells and the like suggest to me that she and you have some things you need to seriously talk about... you should get to the bottom of where you both stand in this relationship... advice from us is great and all but until you and her figure out what the hell is really going on you are having people who have no idea about who she is or your interactions with each other attempt to give you advice from a general stand point. Humans are not cars advice given without fully understanding the mindset of the other person is nothing more then shots in the dark
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Old 10-09-2013, 01:20 PM #668
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Originally Posted by maxmcb12 View Post
After the 5th unanswered text she sent me I responded accordingly explaining we're on a break and i'm going to treat it as such. She got the message and backed off. Now how long should I let things cool off before I say anything again? I want to attempt to work this out but do not want to rush into things and make the mistake of forcing it.
Quote:
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spoken like someone who seems to know the bare minimum or net to nothing about the army or military service in general. There are plenty of soldiers who carry successful relationships through travel and constant deployments just like everyone else in the world your relationship and how it balances with your career is entirely dependent on the two people involved in said relationship...

Depending on what she is studying she could consider doing online courses or something during the time you would be over seas... Furthermore, depending on what country you go to they could actually have pretty extensive jobs available for your g.f. (if she can get a visa to come with you) doing a myriad of different functions. I think what you and her need to do is really hammer things out beyond just a simple conversation. Actually sit down togeather and plan for the future. Try to anticipate and plan for all possible issues you think you could both face.

As for dude on the break... I really think you and old girl need to just talk about what the heck is going on. She is clearly under some stress from school or the long distance or something. After a few days of "being on break" give her a call and ask her how she is doing. Then ask her if school is stressing her out or if something else has her stressed. I can almost garuntee everything will come tumbling out. She is likely under so much pressure/stress that she isnt feeling right and as such its taxing her ability to deal with your relationship. Talking about it with her can at this point only help to either re-solidify the relationship and help you past the "break" or solidly identify the relationship as over and begin to allow you to move on. When you are in a relationship for some time with someone you should not feel like you are unable to ask them honest questions about their feelings towards the relationship and where you both stand within that relationship. Her comments about walking on egg shells and the like suggest to me that she and you have some things you need to seriously talk about... you should get to the bottom of where you both stand in this relationship... advice from us is great and all but until you and her figure out what the hell is really going on you are having people who have no idea about who she is or your interactions with each other attempt to give you advice from a general stand point. Humans are not cars advice given without fully understanding the mindset of the other person is nothing more then shots in the dark
Bull**** look at the rate of infidelity with army wives . And that's only the things that are reported or who caves in and tells the dude .

Look at all the babies Americans had during vietnam over there .

Your crazy if you think being deployed for long times doesn't harm a relationship .
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:23 PM #669
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So what's more important your career or your relationship . Decide and do the right thing
Both are important to me and I feel incomplete without both. I feel as though myself, my relationship, and my career can all benefit from each other by all being present.

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Depending on what she is studying she could consider doing online courses or something during the time you would be over seas... Furthermore, depending on what country you go to they could actually have pretty extensive jobs available for your g.f. (if she can get a visa to come with you) doing a myriad of different functions. I think what you and her need to do is really hammer things out beyond just a simple conversation. Actually sit down togeather and plan for the future. Try to anticipate and plan for all possible issues you think you could both face.
She wants to be a dentist or dental hygienist. That's her thing.
We eventually decided last night on just slowing things down and going with the flow, like we originally agreed on in the beginning of the relationship. If we still feel this strongly about each other in the future, or stronger, then we will make decisions at the present.

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Bull**** look at the rate of infidelity with army wives . And that's only the things that are reported or who caves in and tells the dude .

Look at all the babies Americans had during vietnam over there .

Your crazy if you think being deployed for long times doesn't harm a relationship .
What are the infidelity rates?
"In most cases, service members who were deployed had a lower risk of subsequently ending their marriages than service members who did not deploy or deployed fewer days."
http://www.rand.org/pubs/monographs/MG599.html


I think being away from each other is harder to be in the relationship, but in of itself, doesn't harm it.
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:27 PM #670
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My girlfriend is hot as **** and I don't know how to not get jealous when shes around other guys cause all they do is hit on her. ****s annoying cause she gets salty when I get mad or tell them to **** off or whatever.
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:55 PM #671
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Originally Posted by yuik View Post
Bull**** look at the rate of infidelity with army wives . And that's only the things that are reported or who caves in and tells the dude .

Look at all the babies Americans had during vietnam over there .

Your crazy if you think being deployed for long times doesn't harm a relationship .

Where do you get your facts from?

Furthermore, would a woman who is capable of cheating on her husband do it regardless of the profession of the husband? Or are you implying that the husband's profession some how pushes perfectly happy couples to suddenly have marriage problems and rampant infidelity?

Marriage issues are always ultimately there external factors can exacerbate that but people dont just completely change all of a sudden due to some external factor, excluding psychological or physical trauma of course.

The real question though is why you hold that opinion. I'd make the guess that you have a hard time trusting people in general and women specifically. Have you been cheated on in your past or something? Ideally by the time you get married to some one you should know them well enough to have a least an indication of potential faults, flaws, or trouble spots in the relationship between you..
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:12 PM #672
yuik
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