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Old 06-30-2011, 09:06 PM #274
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffByrne View Post
Although that is kinda true with the boringness of the brick paragraphs I would rather see them then bullets. To me bullets show laziness and that you don't care much. At least when he erupted paragraphs it shows to customers his passion and maturity, not only for his business but himself as well. I would keep the paragraphs , but to each his own and I can clearly see where you are coming from.
Agreed that his work sells itself.

It's not that brick paragraphs are boring, (I didn't find them boring) it's just that in general people don't read them (because they're lazy).

I'm sure whatever format he choses will work because the product is good. I was just throwing out a different perspective to consider.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:11 PM #275
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I know! I wasn't hating the idea I just liked what he had from the start!

And after reading that my post over again, forgive me, I am drinking and I am using an iPad for the first time! Lol
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:39 PM #276
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my word of "hate" is a bit too harsh. But bullet points to me gives me a whole...well...lecture type feel. Maybe I'm the only one
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Old 07-01-2011, 09:48 AM #277
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Also, I wouldn't put anything about age in there as a "relating" thing. I relate to people of all ages and you could pigeon hole your marketing by being "that young guy".
TFain's right on the money here Jimster. This is a valuable asset and a truth about you, however, when speaking about senior portraits most Seniors "Parents" are the final decision, the one's signing the check and this could be a negative to them. The Seniors will choose to sell you to their parents because you can relate to them better, but that shouldn't be a selling point to the parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by p8ntcheck45 View Post
Yeah I would love that. Could I pay pal ya $20 and have it done tonight if possible? Or perhaps buy ya dinner next time you are staying here? My site is going to be featured on a pretty large site (I'll share when it is up) either tomorrow or Tuesday. And if it is tomorrow I would like it to be ready in advance. And I hear ya on removing the age, but I feel I should mention that because that is a huge advantage over some of my competition, as well as I have heard from numerous seniors that a huge part of why they went with me was because of my age. I've also heard that they didn't really know I was young, and when they found out they were happy. SO I think that is gonna stay, but I would remove the last part about being 20 makes a fun shooting experience
I think that a good photo of you on your about me page will cover all that you have written to the prospective seniors. If I saw a guy that looked like you and saw your work, I know we'd have a rockin time shooting!

Also, add this:
"You look like a God damn retard, get the **** off my field"

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Originally Posted by scienceguy View Post
Don't make it too wordy.

The brick paragraphs lose the audience quickly.

Quick bullet points will be his friend. Show the audience that he is organized and professional

Basically what he's saying is, "do you want senior photos like this, (insert typical senior photo of folded arm subject leaning against tree... or the other weird poses they used to make us do) or... THIS," (insert awesome).


My professional team and I achieve this because:
a) We shoot candid lifestyle portraiture
b) We know and relate to the seniors working with them to capture more than just portraits.
c) etc. etc.

In addition:
a) keep your photos (file sharing or whatever your deal is)
b) lots of photos
c) etc. etc.


Something more like that format might work better. Keep it simple and positive.

Just giving the dad perspective.
Very well stated. This format is ver often used in the business. The biggest advantage is that it doesn't have the possibility to talk your client out of a job before ever having spoken to them. It can also be looked at as: boring, cookie cutter and impersonal.

I believe that Jimmy's narratives combined with effective headers is much more powerful in "his" specific case. Maybe the answer is a good combination of the two. Make sure those headers give Clear, Concise and Effective descriptions of what they need in the paragraph, in case they choose not to read it.

Jimmy, I can't wait to see the final product. I'm extremely proud of you my man. I know to many young talents that have never "gotten" it. YOU GET IT! You're keep doing what you're doing and I'm sure that some day, I'm going to be asking you for a job on one of your shoots! Lmk if you have time to hang in Aug when you're down. Don't know if you'll be in So Cal or what, but I want to do that family shoot we've spoken about.

Robbo
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Old 07-01-2011, 11:31 AM #278
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working on the rewrite now and should have it done in a few hours.
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Old 07-01-2011, 12:51 PM #279
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RenegadeLegion4 View Post
TFain's right on the money here Jimster. This is a valuable asset and a truth about you, however, when speaking about senior portraits most Seniors "Parents" are the final decision, the one's signing the check and this could be a negative to them. The Seniors will choose to sell you to their parents because you can relate to them better, but that shouldn't be a selling point to the parents.



I think that a good photo of you on your about me page will cover all that you have written to the prospective seniors. If I saw a guy that looked like you and saw your work, I know we'd have a rockin time shooting!

Also, add this:
"You look like a God damn retard, get the **** off my field"



Very well stated. This format is ver often used in the business. The biggest advantage is that it doesn't have the possibility to talk your client out of a job before ever having spoken to them. It can also be looked at as: boring, cookie cutter and impersonal.

I believe that Jimmy's narratives combined with effective headers is much more powerful in "his" specific case. Maybe the answer is a good combination of the two. Make sure those headers give Clear, Concise and Effective descriptions of what they need in the paragraph, in case they choose not to read it.

Jimmy, I can't wait to see the final product. I'm extremely proud of you my man. I know to many young talents that have never "gotten" it. YOU GET IT! You're keep doing what you're doing and I'm sure that some day, I'm going to be asking you for a job on one of your shoots! Lmk if you have time to hang in Aug when you're down. Don't know if you'll be in So Cal or what, but I want to do that family shoot we've spoken about.

Robbo
hahahah thanks for that Robbo, k you guys convinced me on the age thing. However a fair bit of seniors, maybe 40%, book through me without their parents. Either way hell yeah man I will be down in late July actually, and will for sure be able to catch up. Ya think I could schedule a lil 30 minute photoshoot with me and Z runnin around?
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working on the rewrite now and should have it done in a few hours.
Excellent, most excellent.
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Old 07-01-2011, 01:25 PM #280
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It’s your lifestyle. Images should capture that. Lifestyle portraits for seniors mix what parents love and what fledgling adults want. We will collaborate in order to create unique and memorable portraits. You will seriously love these for a lifetime.

What is lifestyle portraiture? Lifestyle portraiture is a series of images that have a relaxed mood, showcases the true person within, and lets a viewer of the photos see the story of the senior being photographed. We will not be creating photographs. We will be creating images that show life.

How do we accomplish that? Most senior shooters in the greater Portland area have a specific photo park or studio that forces you to have the same mill type photography work. However, you are unique and your photos need be a reflection of that. You choose the location and I come to you. Love the forest? You got it. Is the roar of the ocean part of your personality? Let’s meet at the sand. Are you mechanical? The industrial park it is. You make the call! Shooting at your own unique location will provide you with portraits that stand out from your peers.

What do you get? It doesn’t matter what package you buy. Each package is very generous in what we capture together. You will get a lot of photos, a plethora of poses, and a purposeful time to explore different backgrounds that show off your personality.

What about sharing my photos with my friends via social media? We live in a digital age. Sharing portraits with friends and family via wallet sized prints is still around, and we offer it, but we know everyone wants to see them in your posts. Most packages come with the option of unlimited download that are optimized for emailing or uploading to social sites. Why are we different? Most other studios pick at your wallet to buy them individually. What do we think? If you love’em you should share’em!

Will we get along? I am enthusiastic, ecstatic, and electrified to be able to share those moments behind the camera with you. I remember what it was like to graduate. I recall the anticipation of people commenting about my photos. It was thrilling to have the attention. It is ingrained within me to make our sessions about you! I have the knowledge and know how behind the camera and the vision for creating a very fun experience for everyone involved in the image making process. And yes, parents can come out and have some fun too on the shoots. Remember it’s about your life and we want to include it all.

See the difference? I care about the images I create. The larger portrait studios have many shoots a day so it’s easy to be lost in the mix of “business”. The senior portrait session should be a special one. You deserve a five-star-fun experience. I am willing to provide that. How about we chit-chat about your vision regarding your images? I’m excited to talk to you, meet you, and get the ball rolling. Don’t forget to check out what other seniors are saying about Jimmy Hickey Photography!
First draft...we'll let the PBn regulars give some input and I can change some things around. All I did was copy what you did...pasted each paragraph one by one and then reworded them and conjoined some things you repeated in several different paragraphs. I also took out some of the biting remarks against older shooters, other studios, etc. One of the things you don't want to do is have people read it and think, "I've been to a studio and I really liked it. This guy is wrong in his perception on my experience."

Last edited by fainerbainer : 07-01-2011 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 07-01-2011, 01:54 PM #281
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You the best yo, I dig it. Why did you take out FB/myspace/blogs and just say social sites? Seems like mentioning ones they will most likely use would be a sort of relatable quality. Also going to switch "I am willing to provide" to "I will provide"

Looks freakin great Fain, you the man
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Old 07-01-2011, 02:00 PM #282
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Originally Posted by p8ntcheck45 View Post
You the best yo, I dig it. Why did you take out FB/myspace/blogs and just say social sites? Seems like mentioning ones they will most likely use would be a sort of relatable quality. Also going to switch "I am willing to provide" to "I will provide"

Looks freakin great Fain, you the man
you can put them in but I felt that you'll have to redraft those as more social sites come along. FB, myspace (which is gonna die), tumblr, google +, and so on and so forth. I figured most kids know what "social sites" mean.

I also believe that some parents aren't tech savvy or even have a stupid bias against FB, myspace, etc. cuz their kids will be predatorized. So just being general about "social media" gets the point across without feeling like you are supporting a certain company/structure.

At least that's my thinking behind it. Again, take it and make it what you want. Just giving some insight.
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Old 07-01-2011, 02:05 PM #283
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I hear ya loud and clear. I'll let my subconscious brain process the info and figure it out on the drive to HR today Thanks for taking the time to do that Fain, you are welcome at the Condo any time!
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Old 07-01-2011, 03:46 PM #284
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hahahah thanks for that Robbo, k you guys convinced me on the age thing. However a fair bit of seniors, maybe 40%, book through me without their parents. Either way hell yeah man I will be down in late July actually, and will for sure be able to catch up. Ya think I could schedule a lil 30 minute photoshoot with me and Z runnin around?
Of course brotha! Keep me posted on when you'll be down and we'll do this!
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Old 07-01-2011, 11:16 PM #285
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Fain i love the re-edit. There is literally only 3 words i would change. They are in bold in the quote

Quote:
It’s your lifestyle. Images should capture that. Lifestyle portraits for seniors mix what parents love and what fledgling adults want. We will collaborate in order to create unique and memorable portraits. You will seriously love these for a lifetime.

What is lifestyle portraiture? Lifestyle portraiture is a series of images that have a relaxed mood, showcases the true person within, and lets a viewer of the photos see the story of the senior being photographed. We will not be creating photographs. We will be creating images that show life.

How do we accomplish that? Most senior shooters in the greater Portland area have a specific photo park or studio that forces you to have the same mill type photography work. However, you are unique and your photos need be a reflection of that. You choose the location and I come to you. Love the forest? You got it. Is the roar of the ocean part of your personality? Let’s meet at the sand. Are you mechanical? The industrial park it is. You make the call! Shooting at your own unique location will provide you with portraits that stand out from your peers.

What do you get? It doesn’t matter what package you buy. Each package is very generous in what we capture together. You will get a lot of photos, a plethora of poses, and a purposeful time to explore different backgrounds that show off your personality.

What about sharing my photos with my friends via social media? We live in a digital age. Sharing portraits with friends and family via wallet sized prints is still around, and we offer it, but we know everyone wants to see them in your posts. Most packages come with the option of unlimited download that are optimized for emailing or uploading to social sites. Why are we different? Most other studios pick at your wallet to buy them individually. What do we think? If you love’em you should share’em!

Will we get along? I am enthusiastic, ecstatic, and electrified to be able to share those moments behind the camera with you. I remember what it was like to graduate. I recall the anticipation of people commenting about my photos. It was thrilling to have the attention. It is ingrained within me to make our sessions about you! I have the knowledge and know how behind the camera and the vision for creating a very fun experience for everyone involved in the image making process. And yes, parents can come out and have some fun too on the shoots. Remember it’s about your life and we want to include it all.

See the difference? I care about the images I create. The larger portrait studios have many shoots a day so it’s easy to be lost in the mix of “business”. The senior portrait session should be a special one. You deserve a five-star-fun experience. I am willing to provide that. How about we chit-chat about your vision regarding your images? I’m excited to talk to you, meet you, and get the ball rolling. Don’t forget to check out what other seniors are saying about Jimmy Hickey Photography!
Fledgling- While its an accurate word, it isnt an attractive word. I would recommend a fluff word like Blossoming, or maybe developing.

Poses- When people think of pose, they usually think of stiff and unnatural. It also can contradict the part above about being in a relaxed mood and showcasing the person within. I was kinda on the fence with this one because as a photographer i think of a pose as just a different body position from the previous one. Average people might think the other way.

Background- Again, a photographer thinks of a background as the surrounding scenery. A client might think of a background as "Those ugly tie dye things that the old smelly photo man uses" (aka a muslin or something of the like). I would use the word Scenery, or maybe even just Locations.

...anddd that was me being knit picky.
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Old 07-01-2011, 11:38 PM #286
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I wasn't too thrilled with he word fledgling either. Reminds me of Bambi. That's it's a first draft and good knit picking
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Old 07-05-2011, 02:02 PM #287
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My site was featured on the Livebooks website! hanging on the same page as Robert Beck and Laforet! yeeehawwwwww!
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Old 07-05-2011, 02:04 PM #288
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Old 07-05-2011, 07:17 PM #289
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$40 a month. interesting. what made you decide to go with it over other more economical options?
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Old 07-05-2011, 09:02 PM #290
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Clean layout, nice backend, easy to use, got it when it was only $99 a year as a student, then just built onto it.
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Old 07-05-2011, 09:07 PM #291
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A guy who was at the field visiting from British Columbia here in Canada randomly was talking about you & your work this weekend, nothing but good things to say, keep it up man!
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Old 07-08-2011, 10:32 PM #292
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Roommate jim it feels good to be able to post in your thread legally.
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Old 07-09-2011, 12:26 AM #293
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amnesty programmmmmmm
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Old 07-10-2011, 07:37 PM #294
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We got our meatchubs back! Woohooo!!!!

And just returned from the Oregon Country Fair. Was a pretty fun time. Learned some stuff about the world that I don't intend on sharing with most people. Got some nice photographs that I do intend to share
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