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Old 09-23-2008, 01:05 PM #1
komodo_117
Plague Upon Your Hissing
 
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Dear Internet

Dear designers of the full page flash-based advertisements and graphics that slowly and mercilessly rape my computer into submission: Get ****ed. Honestly. Stop being a lazy piece of **** and learn a proper programming language. There are dozens others. Stop making cute little flashy movies at 3:30am during the breaks from your rectal pleasuring. You are killing the internet, and giving those with older machinery thoughts of genocide with chainsaws.

Dear booty-shaking, lip-syncing, morbidly obese giggly 14 year old latino girls that feel absolutely compelled to bring forth chunks from last weeks lunch, directly from my bowel, and back through my esophagus. Whoever told you in any way, shape, or form that you are attractive, or even capable of procreating with anything short of small traces of semen spilled on the end of an extremely long stick, are horrible ****ing liars. Rather than seeking some kind of perverse sort of enjoyment of giving mentally handicapped 70 year old eskimos raging erections, do everyone a favor and spend all of that extra time and energy that you so graciously expel on camera, and get on a ****ing treadmill. Also, going back to school and learning proper english would be delightful as well, since if you can even pronounce words from the simplest of Brittany Spears songs, there is an English teacher somewhere slamming his dick off a chalk-tray in absolute frustration while he attempts to disassociate himself from you. Of course, this could all be fixed by going under the sink and taking a few shots of a chemical known as "Draino", but that's getting ahead of myself, since I currently have no assumptions that you're capable of reading.

Dear Myspace and Facebook users that place an unfathomable amount of videos and .gifs on your webpage to the point where God himself has had an aneurysm attempting to scroll through that cluttered bull**** you call a profile. Honestly, if you need 12 videos of a guy lighting his own farts on fire, I would rather not watch the other 30, nor would I ever associate with you, even in the deepest plains of hell.

Dear 50 year old pedophiles that stalk myspace and webforums attempting to pick up extremely hot, barely legal girls and do unspeakable things to them in the back of a Denny's parking lot.......keep up the good work.

Dear 11 year old, uneducated, Ebonic speaking ****-hats on XBL and Counter-Strike that attempt to insult my mother every 4 seconds, coupled with hundreds of "****s", "cocks" and "*****es". Here's an idea, this was something we did back when we were a kid, that was really cool and kept us from getting our *******s beat through our stomachs: RESPECT PEOPLE. You annoying ****s are the sole reason towards my hatred of online gaming anymore. Not because of steep learning curves, nor hackers and talentless ****s who hide inside of a wall and shoot people as they go past. No, it is your high pitch voices that forever ring in my ears as I attempt to sleep at night, contemplating if the 65 feet from my roof to my driveway is enough to actually kill me. Nobody cares about how many times I just got "pwned", nor the amount of anal pleasuring you attempted to give my mother with your limp, malformed, and prepubescent dick. In all honesty, I am more angry at your parents, or lack thereof, for allowing you a connection to the outside world that isn't a hole in the wall across the room from where you are shackled....20 feet underground. If you were my children, your *** cheeks would be entirely concave from the successive beatings I would give them with the back end of a shovel. Unfortunately, you will all grow up to be politicians.

Dear WoW nerds who call cops on college parties simply because you can't hear your imaginary buddies over Ventrilo over the sound of me getting more *** than you can ever dream of. I want to show you something. It's really cool. You might want to sheild your eyes.


Ready?




Loook!



It's something called the sun. And look!



People! Yay! Don't those look fun! It's like Warcraft, only IRL!

Really. Go LARP. I don't ****ing care. Just leave your house you ****ing wastes.


Dear gay pornography posting, illiterate spammers and trolls that love to come in Small Talk at primetime each night and subject us all to visions of your childhood via pictures of men groping each other's ballsacks. I don't think there really is a severe enough punishment for you in the universe, short of keeping you alive as every last inch of you in lit on fire and stripped away in tiny slivers. If I ever have the mispleasure of meeting you in public, I will pound your face into a mailbox and proceed to sodomize you with the remaining pole in which it once rested, just before urinating on your corpse. You are the absolute lowest form of being on the earth that seeks pleasure in the most disturbing, and frankly, most scarring atrocities that are capable of being posted on the internet. I feel sorry for whatever goat gave birth to you, and my only request from you in life is to be buried far, far, far away from any semblance of civilization for fear of any traces of your genetic structure being replicated and subjecting itself onto the world once again.


Sincerly,
your dearest of friends,

Komodo

P.S. - I love you, internet.
__________________
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They rip their skin off and rape anything in sight. Basically a Shel Silverstein poem."




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Old 09-23-2008, 01:07 PM #2
IncompleteSpork90
yo snake sneak that ****
 
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First the post in the Boon Dock Saints thread and now this?

Komodo.

Vorr-
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:07 PM #3
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I didn't read it but I'll act like I did and say something I think is witty but really isn't.

wat
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:10 PM #4
twichyfingerIII
 
 
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go the **** ahead.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:11 PM #5
komodo_117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IncompleteSpork90 View Post
First the post in the Boon Dock Saints thread and now this?

Komodo.

Vorr-
I had some pent up rage that needed dealt with...
__________________
Jlausen: "Think of what 90% of people do on PCP.

They rip their skin off and rape anything in sight. Basically a Shel Silverstein poem."




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Old 09-23-2008, 01:13 PM #6
Martincu (Banned)
 
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Dear internet.

Thank you for all the teen girls that you stream to my computer on my late drunken nights. Also i would like to say thank you for da googles. That ****s ****ing epic.....Epic!



Your truly,
Pedolover69
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:14 PM #7
Candide (Banned)
 
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I like the small talk raiders.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:16 PM #8
SIMRAD (Banned)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by komodo_117 View Post
Dear designers of the full page flash-based advertisements and graphics that slowly and mercilessly rape my computer into submission: Get ****ed. Honestly. Stop being a lazy piece of **** and learn a proper programming language. There are dozens others. Stop making cute little flashy movies at 3:30am during the breaks from your rectal pleasuring. You are killing the internet, and giving those with older machinery thoughts of genocide with chainsaws.

Dear booty-shaking, lip-syncing, morbidly obese giggly 14 year old latino girls that feel absolutely compelled to bring forth chunks from last weeks lunch, directly from my bowel, and back through my esophagus. Whoever told you in any way, shape, or form that you are attractive, or even capable of procreating with anything short of small traces of semen spilled on the end of an extremely long stick, are horrible ****ing liars. Rather than seeking some kind of perverse sort of enjoyment of giving mentally handicapped 70 year old eskimos raging erections, do everyone a favor and spend all of that extra time and energy that you so graciously expel on camera, and get on a ****ing treadmill. Also, going back to school and learning proper english would be delightful as well, since if you can even pronounce words from the simplest of Brittany Spears songs, there is an English teacher somewhere slamming his dick off a chalk-tray in absolute frustration while he attempts to disassociate himself from you. Of course, this could all be fixed by going under the sink and taking a few shots of a chemical known as "Draino", but that's getting ahead of myself, since I currently have no assumptions that you're capable of reading.

Dear Myspace and Facebook users that place an unfathomable amount of videos and .gifs on your webpage to the point where God himself has had an aneurysm attempting to scroll through that cluttered bull**** you call a profile. Honestly, if you need 12 videos of a guy lighting his own farts on fire, I would rather not watch the other 30, nor would I ever associate with you, even in the deepest plains of hell.

Dear 50 year old pedophiles that stalk myspace and webforums attempting to pick up extremely hot, barely legal girls and do unspeakable things to them in the back of a Denny's parking lot.......keep up the good work.

Dear 11 year old, uneducated, Ebonic speaking ****-hats on XBL and Counter-Strike that attempt to insult my mother every 4 seconds, coupled with hundreds of "****s", "cocks" and "*****es". Here's an idea, this was something we did back when we were a kid, that was really cool and kept us from getting our *******s beat through our stomachs: RESPECT PEOPLE. You annoying ****s are the sole reason towards my hatred of online gaming anymore. Not because of steep learning curves, nor hackers and talentless ****s who hide inside of a wall and shoot people as they go past. No, it is your high pitch voices that forever ring in my ears as I attempt to sleep at night, contemplating if the 65 feet from my roof to my driveway is enough to actually kill me. Nobody cares about how many times I just got "pwned", nor the amount of anal pleasuring you attempted to give my mother with your limp, malformed, and prepubescent dick. In all honesty, I am more angry at your parents, or lack thereof, for allowing you a connection to the outside world that isn't a hole in the wall across the room from where you are shackled....20 feet underground. If you were my children, your *** cheeks would be entirely concave from the successive beatings I would give them with the back end of a shovel. Unfortunately, you will all grow up to be politicians.

Dear WoW nerds who call cops on college parties simply because you can't hear your imaginary buddies over Ventrilo over the sound of me getting more *** than you can ever dream of. I want to show you something. It's really cool. You might want to sheild your eyes.


Ready?




Loook!



It's something called the sun. And look!



People! Yay! Don't those look fun! It's like Warcraft, only IRL!

Really. Go LARP. I don't ****ing care. Just leave your house you ****ing wastes.


Dear gay pornography posting, illiterate spammers and trolls that love to come in Small Talk at primetime each night and subject us all to visions of your childhood via pictures of men groping each other's ballsacks. I don't think there really is a severe enough punishment for you in the universe, short of keeping you alive as every last inch of you in lit on fire and stripped away in tiny slivers. If I ever have the mispleasure of meeting you in public, I will pound your face into a mailbox and proceed to sodomize you with the remaining pole in which it once rested, just before urinating on your corpse. You are the absolute lowest form of being on the earth that seeks pleasure in the most disturbing, and frankly, most scarring atrocities that are capable of being posted on the internet. I feel sorry for whatever goat gave birth to you, and my only request from you in life is to be buried far, far, far away from any semblance of civilization for fear of any traces of your genetic structure being replicated and subjecting itself onto the world once again.


Sincerly,
your dearest of friends,

Komodo

P.S. - I love you, internet.
I quoted it.

Good read though
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:22 PM #9
God Of Radio (Banned)
 
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Awesome post!! AWESOME! I can't imagine anyone else having some sort of common sense. Grazi sir. GRAZI!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:24 PM #10
bigfatdanman
**** Obama.
 
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QUALITY ****ING POST.
thank you, i honestly enjoyed that read.

and god of radio still creeps me out.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:26 PM #11
komodo_117
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Originally Posted by bigfatdanman View Post
and god of radio still creeps me out.
****ing dawt.

Go golf or something. Do what old people do. Play chess in the park and talk about the good old days when tootsie rolls cost a penny or some ****. Stop stalking 15 year old boys on the internet with your pedo-stache.
__________________
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They rip their skin off and rape anything in sight. Basically a Shel Silverstein poem."




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Old 09-23-2008, 01:34 PM #12
FalconMan281
 
 
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 has been a member for 10 years
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lol people have to make money buddy...nobody forces you to go to those sites.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:35 PM #13
komodo_117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FalconMan281 View Post
lol people have to make money buddy...nobody forces you to go to those sites.
They do. With guns. And sharp things with names I don't care to pronounce.
__________________
Jlausen: "Think of what 90% of people do on PCP.

They rip their skin off and rape anything in sight. Basically a Shel Silverstein poem."




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Old 09-23-2008, 01:36 PM #14
SIMRAD (Banned)
 
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Originally Posted by FalconMan281 View Post
lol people have to make money buddy...nobody forces you to go to those sites.
Shut the **** up. There you go I spelled it out for you.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:40 PM #15
AJFpaintball13
its beer thirty
 
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Originally Posted by komodo_117 View Post
Dear 50 year old pedophiles that stalk myspace and webforums attempting to pick up extremely hot, barely legal girls and do unspeakable things to them in the back of a Denny's parking lot.......keep up the good work.
i lol'd
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:42 PM #16
surge101
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Komodo, I love you.
Now help me score some va-jay-jay.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:43 PM #17
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Originally Posted by komodo_117 View Post
****ing dawt.

Go golf or something. Do what old people do. Play chess in the park and talk about the good old days when tootsie rolls cost a penny or some ****. Stop stalking 15 year old boys on the internet with your pedo-stache.
Starving for attention were ya'?

Whip em out Wednesday was invented by people older than me asswipe.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:43 PM #18
Whiteshadow
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**** me? **** you! **** you and this whole city and everyone in it
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:44 PM #19
God Of Radio (Banned)
 
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You're in Pennsylvania, nevermind.
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Old 09-23-2008, 01:47 PM #20
komodo_117
Plague Upon Your Hissing
 
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Originally Posted by God Of Radio View Post
Starving for attention were ya'?

Whip em out Wednesday was invented by people older than me asswipe.
Yet I am not sitting around my house alone, with greying hair, a flaccid penis, and hole in my heart that can only be filled with images of little boys in the nude.

Keep it up champ. You'll die someday, and then maybe you'll be remembered for something. They may print your name on a dumpster somewhere. How cute would that be?
__________________
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They rip their skin off and rape anything in sight. Basically a Shel Silverstein poem."




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Old 09-23-2008, 01:48 PM #21
CorkscrewGayson (Banned)
 
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ive seen the sun AND people
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