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Old 09-23-2007, 06:53 PM #1
HBlack (Banned)
 
 
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C&C this scene, would you?

Well, I need some motivation to get off my *** and finish this movie. Tell me what you think.

If anyone is actually looking forward to seeing this after having seen the trailer, don't watch this. It's a major spoiler.

http://www.dailymotion.com/Thunderll...rev_shortfilms

I won't give the exact context, just tell me how it looks/sounds and what I can fix.
I know the shooting position shot is far too blue, and I need to add a cutaway of his leg knocking the faucet so you know that it's not a bad blood sound effect.



And, to show the degree of professionalism I maintain on my set, the making of.
http://www.dailymotion.com/Thunderll...ion_shortfilms


And mod(s), if this isn't allowed in ST photo I'll delete it, but this is the only place on pbnation that will offer intelligent criticism. The video forum is full of idiots spilling over from regular ST.
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Old 09-23-2007, 06:55 PM #2
Super Nosey (Banned)
 
 
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Some of the excess noises are annoying.
Editing seems a little choppy.

I like it overall though.

Last edited by Super Nosey : 09-23-2007 at 06:58 PM.
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Old 09-23-2007, 06:59 PM #3
HBlack (Banned)
 
 
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Could you give specific instances of these issues? This is still being edited, and most things can be changed.
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Old 09-23-2007, 07:02 PM #4
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Noises like the towel hitting the keyboard and other things in that particular part of the scene.

Editing when shooter is walking to the house.
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Old 09-23-2007, 07:05 PM #5
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Cool video! What did you use for blood? And the part right after he is shot the first time when he coughs looks almost too fake.
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Old 09-23-2007, 07:24 PM #6
HBlack (Banned)
 
 
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Blood was standard corn syrup recipe. It was too thick, but oh well. Not shooting that again. The entire bathroom was a mess.

And I haven't heard any complaints on the noises before... I'll see if anyone else shares your opinion.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:25 PM #7
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i agree, some of the noise sounded really exaggerated from what sounded natural
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:42 PM #8
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Make that three. There are a lot of sounds that are unneeded and make it sound amateur. If you watch "A" movies, you don't hear every little sound and the sounds you do hear are soft.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:57 PM #9
therealmr
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00:02:09:__ that shot was nice.

SETTLE ON A FEELING. If there's anything I hate more than short films it's the fact that they never stick to any feeling. SOUND : the music... you have rap music, then guitar, and then heavy dramatic music. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL!! Should I be excited? Should I be sad? Or should I not care?


Sound levels - balance out your sound. A gunshot should be much louder than a shell dropping (example).
here's an example of a fair gunshot - import and look at the levels. -0.0. It startles the viewer, but doesn't blow out.

http://www.therealmr.com/Movie.wmv


Crossing the axis: 00:02:52 - make sure you make at least a 180* spin on a shot, otherwise it can be jarring. For more information look it up on wiki. A good thing to keep in mind.

Stop getting in so tight. Sure, detail is great, but I couldn't tell what was going on half the time because you were so close to the subject. Make sure to use an establishing shot at least ONCE if we haven't see where the character is. Example : falling off the roof or whatever - all I saw was black, heard a drop, and then saw him walking again. Very confused. Additionally, I found myself skipping to see when this "towel-mp5-toting" character was going... instead of just watching. That means I'm not interested. Shorten the scene, or give us an idea of where he's going, and what he's doing, so we can hypothesize what's going to happen during the walk.


Light: 85% of the time you can PP your image to look dark... and the same goes for brightness. 85% of the time you can't successfully brighten a scene. So, I'd suggest finding a way to cheaply light some of those insanely dark shots, and then darken it later... that way we have detail an 0db gain =P


Explanation : Who is this guy. Why is he so young and yet has the $$$ to buy an MP5. Better yet, why in the hell does he have to crawl out his window to leave his house? Who is the guy he's shooting... why is his wallet there... why why why why why? If you want to make a shoot-em-up movie, make sure you know that THAT is what you want to do. Just look at... Shoot 'Em Up. It was nothing more than an action movie, and didn't take itself seriously in any other respect. Great movie (for what it was). Like I said before, I couldn't figure out what type of feeling you were going for...
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Last edited by therealmr : 09-23-2007 at 09:07 PM. Reason: adtl content
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:03 PM #10
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This is a random scene, taken out of a much longer short (lol, yes that does make sense). So the fact that it's somewhat confusing can't be helped, unless you can appreciate the context.

The rap music is ambient, and being played at the party downstairs. Not much I can do about that.
I do agree with you, the jumping off the roof was way too dark. But our lighting consisted of a friend holding a strong lamp balancing on the roof of my garage, while my dad was yelling at me to stop jumping off the roof and waking up the neighbours. Next time, I'll plan it out better.

It seems the consensus is that I should work on adjusting the volumes. I'll get on that. Some of it was dubbed after the fact (drawer opening and closing), so I do have a lot of freedom with how it sounds.

And you're right about the darkening. The shooting position section was filmed during the day, in full daylight. I was considering doing the roof scene during the day, but decided to try night instead. I guess that may not have been the best choice with my lighting options.
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:08 PM #11
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After having watched again a few times, I'm not sure I agree with you all on the sound. The music is supposed to be very quiet in comparison, as it's coming from a practical source as opposed to being part of the soundtrack. I do need to tweak it, but I can't see myself altering the sound significantly in that segment.
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:10 PM #12
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Alright - that's fine, but do you at least know what I'm talking about when it comes to setting on a feeling? The first note I gave you? I know I haven't seen the entire thing yet, but it still applies.
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:14 PM #13
HBlack (Banned)
 
 
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I do. Once this is done, I'd like to find someone to make a soundtrack for it. But for now, I'm stuck with throwing in whatever I can find and accepting the feel it gives it.

It's funny that in a photography forum, so much emphasis is put on the sound. That's a good thing, though.

Last edited by HBlack : 09-23-2007 at 09:16 PM.
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:23 PM #14
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Alright, well other than that, then - I can't wait to see your next project.... as I can tell you've learned quite a bit after this one =)
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Old 09-24-2007, 02:35 PM #15
HBlack (Banned)
 
 
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What do you guys think of the pacing? Members in other forums have told me it should be shortened. I'll have to see how it looks with the rest of it when I'm done.
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