[giants57]

I'm finding it hard to even get that far though. I'm not trying to attract an absolute sloot that I meet at a club or party, and pull the ol' bangarang on the first night. As mentioned above I was cheated on in the only relationship that I ever told the girl "I loved her" and that has led to major trust issues for me. When a girl does something like let me get it super quickly, it leads to me thinking she's a creature of habit.

[SUR3]

all girls are ****s, period. some can turn it down and be monogamous in a relationship; some can't

[giants57]

And that's what I'm having trouble with. A) Initiating and approaching a girl here to try and establish something, other than at a party or club. and B) Having faith that I'm not one of 4 guys that the girl is "talking to" and doing intimate **** with. As much as I love women, when I get something going with a girl I'm faithful to them.

[SUR3]

that's your own personal moral code you're following. you can't expect someone you're not in a relationship with/dating for some time to be exclusive to you from the get go

[giants57]

What I mean though is I have a hard time when I start getting serious or dating someone that I have their loyalty. Really what I'm looking for though is how to engage a woman in this type of large setting that can sometimes frankly be intimidating.

[TheColorCute]

Originally Posted by Rampager2000

Luke. Just stick it in.

In any other situation, I would have no trouble escalating to this. However, there's the matter of the boyfriend of 5 years. I don't know where they stand. It's like, on her Facebook, she has it set so you can't even see that she's in a relationship. The status just isn't there. But on his, it says "In a relationship with blah blah blah". It's like she doesn't want people to see it, or like it's not "Facebook official" important to her anymore, which ties into what I said before about her maybe growing tired of the relationship and thinking about moving on

And again, for the past 7 years I've considered this girl like a sister, and now she's escalating on me on her own. At least that's how I'm perceiving it? Please correct me if I'm wrong. So it's hard for me to escalate on it myself, because we've been so close for the longest time. I guess I'm just having trouble getting into the escalation mindset with her, you know?

[Ion103]

Originally Posted by xFSUxlaxflip

Sounds like you were the "try other guys and see if hes worth it" ****... nothing wrong with that aside from you seemed a bit more invested than you intended or thought you were

Dude you hit it right on the nail. I thought this girl liked me a lot more than i guess she did. I wouldnt have been that way had I known she still had feelings for the ex. Oh well atleast I got my dick wet a bunch of times. Still sucks though, I did like her.

[Ion103]

Originally Posted by giants57

And that's what I'm having trouble with. A) Initiating and approaching a girl here to try and establish something, other than at a party or club. and B) Having faith that I'm not one of 4 guys that the girl is "talking to" and doing intimate **** with. As much as I love women, when I get something going with a girl I'm faithful to them.

Thats the part I have trouble with as well. It does bother me. But usually Im talking to other girls so I cant be mad. If it starts to get serious and you are thinking bout making it official, I usually just come out and ask, what her intentions are, and where she wants to go with this. If she says she would like to move forward with us, then I establish for the time being that we be exclusive.

[ZeR0 EVOlution]

Originally Posted by giants57

And that's what I'm having trouble with. A) Initiating and approaching a girl here to try and establish something, other than at a party or club. and B) Having faith that I'm not one of 4 guys that the girl is "talking to" and doing intimate **** with. As much as I love women, when I get something going with a girl I'm faithful to them.

The girl I'm talking to right now is really gorgeous, I mean.. really ****ing beautiful, and I've always had that thought, too. But confidence wins, and those who are confident should have no issues with it.

Stay confident. You'll be fine.

[james bond 007]

Originally Posted by giants57

What I mean though is I have a hard time when I start getting serious or dating someone that I have their loyalty. Really what I'm looking for though is how to engage a woman in this type of large setting that can sometimes frankly be intimidating.

Why do you think college is such a "big stage" and is so intimidating?

Dating in college is a lot easier than it is afterwards. Everyone in college is looking to find what they like and therefore give new things a try.

I understand why you're worried about a girl you're potentially interested in might be talking to or ****ing other people, but that's not the case most of the time. A girl that is looking to date probably isn't in the random hooking up phase anymore unless she is a total ****.

Also, I don't know what year of college you're in, but from my experience and from what a lot of the girls that I was friends with in college told my friends and I, college goes this way for most (not all) girls:

Freshman year - All about experimenting and hooking up.
Sophomore year - Pretty much the same thing in the first semester, but in the second they start to slow down.
Junior year - They start to want to settle down (for college) and find a steady bf.
Senior year - Depending on what their plan for after college is they either stay in a relationship or decide being single is best.

My point here is, if you're looking to date seriously, I would look for the upper classmen.

[SimplySour]

Jake told me he's on here so I'm gonna check this out again.

For those of you who don't remember me
|Simplicity| I been around these ere parts since I was around 15
23 now.
Gotta girlfriend and stuff
Don't have many pictures of her and ****

Ill try to be on here a lot

[R2-D2]

Color's situations make me very hesitant to count his "meeting a girl through Facebook" as a success.. he just seems to have an eye for crazy and he himself is very over-analytical and allows himself to fill the needs of clingers.

[M98custom1212]

Originally Posted by james bond 007

Why do you think college is such a "big stage" and is so intimidating?


Freshman year - All about experimenting and hooking up.
Sophomore year - Pretty much the same thing in the first semester, but in the second they start to slow down.
Junior year - They start to want to settle down (for college) and find a steady bf.
Senior year - Depending on what their plan for after college is they either stay in a relationship or decide being single is best.

My point here is, if you're looking to date seriously, I would look for the upper classmen.

Pretty much right on point.

[peppelepugh]

Originally Posted by M98custom1212

Pretty much right on point.

I second that!!!!

[coltgibby]

I'd been hooking up with for a while has just cut off communication with me. I've tried talking to her but she ignores the **** out of me. She hasn't been coming around to the parties like she used to. All I want to do is make sure we can still be friends even if we don't hook up any more.

Side note: One of her good friends told me she likes to play games which I can deal with, but I really wish she would just stop and be real with me.

Advice?

[Strange1130]

drop that *****

[aieou]

Stop wasting your time. Do you think you are worth her time if she won't even reply to you? You are better than her.

Anyone else have difficulty hooking up with girls in their own classes? I am a bit older, and a little more experienced in the dating field than my peers.

My question is: Have you guys been able to successfully hook up with other girls without ruining the quality of the class? Because I know I can get 3 or 4 girls right now. That's all I need to do is for them to start talking to eachother!

[xFSUxlaxflip]

Originally Posted by giants57

I'm terrible at making the first move. I'm trying to improve upon this, but it's so damn hard. Literally every girl I've ever gotten anywhere with has approached me and made a move. I'm soon realizing that's now how it really works in most cases. I'm trying to work on that and it's tough on this big of a stage.

Dude stop over thinking it. If you walk around all day with the mind set of "I need a relationship" or "Im going to approach this girl and start a relationship" you are only going to set yourself up for failure. However, by simply going around making friends and generally building a "social circle" your relationship will likely just fall in your lap. Your success rate for a relationship increases when you have a good circle of friends because inevitably through them you will meet more and more people.

The "big stage" mentality is a flawed and frankly defensive mechanism in your mind. Its college yes theres a lot of people but they are ALL looking for friends and people to hang out with. Start making friends with people in your classes/activities on campus and from there it'll broaden out. Also dont discount meeting a girl at a party by instantly assuming shes a **** at a party. Consider this, the type of people you will meet and have potential to date are DIRECTLY reliant on the type of people you surround yourself with as friends. Hang out with the party/frat crowd and you will only be exposed to that subset of college with few exceptions.

Originally Posted by giants57

I was cheated on in the only relationship that I ever told the girl "I loved her" and that has led to major trust issues for me. When a girl does something like let me get it super quickly, it leads to me thinking she's a creature of habit.

Ok, I have two overall issues with this comment.

First, while i understand and even consider your "trust" issue reasonable I think you are applying a very very polarized view point of a woman's behavior due to your trust issues. Consider this, a woman in college is free from her parents perhaps for the first time and is coming into her own as a woman. Giving it up to you albeit on the first night could be a misguided attempt at progressing into the relationship... Now if you did absolutely NO work, or she was flirting with everyone at the party, or shes super drunk your point is valid but if you meet her you take her out you guys have a good time and it progresses that doesn't necessarily imply shes a **** or giving it up overly fast. There really isnt a right "time" for a girl to give it up its all about her feelings and your chemistry with her.

Secondly, your trust issues, again understandable as they may be, are being applied across the board to all women?? Your ex-girlfriend was in the rong in cheating on you but is it in essence fair to assume that every single woman is going to follow in her footsteps? Isnt it a bit unreasonable to put this wall up simply because you were burned 1 time? 2 times? 3 times? You claim to want to progress into a relationship but from reading your posts in my opinion it seems your "trust issues" more than anything are whats holding you back. To be frank you may even be subconsciously so afraid of being burned again that you are unknowingly sabotaging yourself either via: your attitude, your body language, or hell your "inability" to make the first move.

Originally Posted by giants57

And that's what I'm having trouble with. A) Initiating and approaching a girl here to try and establish something, other than at a party or club. and B) Having faith that I'm not one of 4 guys that the girl is "talking to" and doing intimate **** with. As much as I love women, when I get something going with a girl I'm faithful to them.

A) can be solved simply by going into it not looking to make a relationship. Even the girls who have boyfriends as you state above likely all have other female friends. Inevitably by being cool and fun to hang out with you are going to be introduced to others through social gatherings and small parties rather than large ragers...

B) Is all on you. You have to identify why this is such a large issues to you. Specifically why you get invested so quickly to the point that you arent sure if shes 100% interested in you and you alone. Furthermore I agree with a previous poster subconsciously your worry about possibly being cheated on or having competition could be causing you to appear to be lacking confidence. All women love confident men and want a man who is confident in himself.

Ill wrap up this huge wall of text with this simple piece of advice...

You have to accept, understand, and be confident in yourself before you can create chemistry and attraction with women, particularly ones you have absolutely no common denominator with.

[SimplySour]

Originally Posted by xFSUxlaxflip

Dude stop over thinking it. If you walk around all day with the mind set of "I need a relationship" or "Im going to approach this girl and start a relationship" you are only going to set yourself up for failure. However, by simply going around making friends and generally building a "social circle" your relationship will likely just fall in your lap. Your success rate for a relationship increases when you have a good circle of friends because inevitably through them you will meet more and more people.

The "big stage" mentality is a flawed and frankly defensive mechanism in your mind. Its college yes theres a lot of people but they are ALL looking for friends and people to hang out with. Start making friends with people in your classes/activities on campus and from there it'll broaden out. Also dont discount meeting a girl at a party by instantly assuming shes a **** at a party. Consider this, the type of people you will meet and have potential to date are DIRECTLY reliant on the type of people you surround yourself with as friends. Hang out with the party/frat crowd and you will only be exposed to that subset of college with few exceptions.

Ok, I have two overall issues with this comment.

First, while i understand and even consider your "trust" issue reasonable I think you are applying a very very polarized view point of a woman's behavior due to your trust issues. Consider this, a woman in college is free from her parents perhaps for the first time and is coming into her own as a woman. Giving it up to you albeit on the first night could be a misguided attempt at progressing into the relationship... Now if you did absolutely NO work, or she was flirting with everyone at the party, or shes super drunk your point is valid but if you meet her you take her out you guys have a good time and it progresses that doesn't necessarily imply shes a **** or giving it up overly fast. There really isnt a right "time" for a girl to give it up its all about her feelings and your chemistry with her.

Secondly, your trust issues, again understandable as they may be, are being applied across the board to all women?? Your ex-girlfriend was in the rong in cheating on you but is it in essence fair to assume that every single woman is going to follow in her footsteps? Isnt it a bit unreasonable to put this wall up simply because you were burned 1 time? 2 times? 3 times? You claim to want to progress into a relationship but from reading your posts in my opinion it seems your "trust issues" more than anything are whats holding you back. To be frank you may even be subconsciously so afraid of being burned again that you are unknowingly sabotaging yourself either via: your attitude, your body language, or hell your "inability" to make the first move.

A) can be solved simply by going into it not looking to make a relationship. Even the girls who have boyfriends as you state above likely all have other female friends. Inevitably by being cool and fun to hang out with you are going to be introduced to others through social gatherings and small parties rather than large ragers...

B) Is all on you. You have to identify why this is such a large issues to you. Specifically why you get invested so quickly to the point that you arent sure if shes 100% interested in you and you alone. Furthermore I agree with a previous poster subconsciously your worry about possibly being cheated on or having competition could be causing you to appear to be lacking confidence. All women love confident men and want a man who is confident in himself.

Ill wrap up this huge wall of text with this simple piece of advice...

You have to accept, understand, and be confident in yourself before you can create chemistry and attraction with women, particularly ones you have absolutely no common denominator with.

You wrote all of that where u could've just said
" you need to move on with your life "

[empire112234]

Originally Posted by giants57

And that's what I'm having trouble with. A) Initiating and approaching a girl here to try and establish something, other than at a party or club. and B) Having faith that I'm not one of 4 guys that the girl is "talking to" and doing intimate **** with. As much as I love women, when I get something going with a girl I'm faithful to them.

I'm the same way as you in a lot of ways. When I'm in a relationship I don't **** around with other girls no matter what. At the same time I sometimes have trouble trusting a girl, even if she's completely faithful. It really sucks. I think the easiest solution for you is to remove yourself from those kinds of situations, at least for the purpose of meeting women. For example, the one girl that I'm seeing right now I met by approaching her after the first accounting class of the semester. It's a weird situation and will probably end very badly if we don't start dating soon, but my point is that you'll find a quality girl outside of those venues.

[giants57]

Thanks guys, honestly I need this kick in the *** and honesty. I appreciate it. There is one girl that I'd like to approach, there has been a lot of obvious eye contact/body language around campus. The problem is whenever I see her it is in a setting of which I'm outnumbered IE:In a dining hall with a few buddies of mine and she is sitting at a table with 5 of her girlfriends. I don't want to just walk up to the table and start talking to her, I feel like it would spiral into a WTF now situation.