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Old 07-25-2012, 06:41 PM #1
Tempted (Banned)
 
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Ripple effect.

Its pretty amazing, and extremely devastating. I just found out that two of my closest friends of over 20 years were found dead. On our hunting property. In our cabin. A cabin that I had slept in, that my father and sister and brother in-law had slept in. My uncle and his 3 young children had slept in. David and Jimmy died there, and it could have been any of us. We are getting old and got tired of sleeping in the heat. We had fans but hot air blowing across your face is still just hot air. Last season I decided we needed an air conditioner.

There is no power on the property, we used deep cycle batteries for the fans and just charged them from our trucks every once in a while. Well Jimmy bought an old generator to leave out there. It didn't run and I'm fairly well educated in terms of mechanical machines so he dropped it off at my house. All it needed was a new tank and the carburetor cleaned, the tank had rusted over time. It ran great and he took it out to the property.

Last week David bought an air conditioner. Just a window unit, but the cabin was tiny. He and Jimmy installed it that day and ran it to the generator. They tested it to make sure it worked but didn't run it during the day because they were out setting food plots and cutting shooting lanes.

That night, around 11pm, Jimmy put the fire out, started the generator, turned on the AC and went to bed. About an hour prior to that David took off on a 4 wheeler to try and get rid of some coyotes that had been terrorizing the fawns and piglets. David got back and called his wife to tell her that he made it home and was about to crash, stating that Jimmy was already passed out in the cabin. He didn't realize Jimmy was dead. David laid down and went to sleep. He never woke up.

What they didn't realize is that the air conditioner was set to "fresh air". The generator was right below it. They closed all the windows to keep the cool air in. Jimmy died around midnight, David around 1:30am, both from CO poisoning.

If I hadn't said we needed AC they might still be here. If I hadn't fixed that generator, they might still be here. If that AC would have been set to recycle, they might still be here. If we hadn't sealed up that cabin they might still be here. If David would have slammed the door trying to wake up Jimmy he might have realized Jimmy was gone, and Jimmy could have saved David's life. If we would have put a cheap CO alarm in it they would still be here.

Any one of a million things could have changed this. But every one of only a few things had to come together for this to happen. If you take one of those things out David would be sitting in my living room telling me some story about seeing a 14 point buck or a 300lb pig. Jimmy would be aggravating his wife. David aggravating his kids. Both still my best friends.

Those two were constants in my life. Throughout the women, the whiskey, the cars, the years they were always there. Either would have given me their last dime, and taken out a loan if I needed more. There has never been a single time that I called and they didn't answer or call me back immediately.

My father was supposed to be there that night. He was with his wife, though, and called out the day before letting them know he would be there the following weekend. My sister and brother in-law were going with him, as well as myself. I loved David and Jimmy. They might have saved all of our lives.

Every year, when hunting season came around, David was the first one to start working on food plots and lane clearing. I don't think there are more than a few times that I was ever in the woods without him. To me, David and Jimmy are synonymous with hunting. I can't have one without the other. When we weren't in the woods we were at each others house having supper and talking about everything. They weren't rich men, they didn't drive 100k dollar cars or wear 100 dollar shoes. But they always helped every way they could. David was a plumber, Jimmy an electrician and both had made several repairs and midnight calls to help me out when I had an issue and didn't have the money to call someone else.

I guess my point is that every single action of every single day changes the world. Changes the future, and history. You never know what you might cause unknowingly. The consequences of so much as a cuss word or road rage or a grudge can literally ruin countless lives both directly and indirectly. I thought putting an air conditioner would have made these easier on us. I thought fixing that generator was nothing more than helping a friend. I thought we were safe being in the woods with no enemies. If we needed, we had ample firearms to defend ourselves against any attack. But David and Jimmy were killed by something we couldn't see, hear or smell. We couldn't even imagine it.

My ripple effect started with me complaining about sleeping in the heat. It made Jimmy buy a generator. It continued when I fixed the generator. The generator is the reason David bought an air conditioner. The air conditioner pulled in the exhaust fumes. The fumes killed my friends. My friends may have saved my life and the lives of my family. But in doing so, they may have ruined the lives of theirs. Only God knows what will happen next.

I know, this forum might not be the place to post this, but I do spend as much time here as any other place that I talk to friends.
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Old 07-25-2012, 08:39 PM #2
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That's devastating. I'm very sorry to hear about your friends. Lives come and go and the only thing that will help you deal with it is to accept the realities of life.
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Old 07-25-2012, 10:44 PM #3
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Imagine getting home on a nice Sunday afternoon, open up your Facebook and see that you have about 2 dozen messages. Then you click on the one your Dad sent you and read this:

"hey man, call me as soon as you get a chance. bad news,,if you haven't heard David Johnson and Jimmy Asher are both dead. They were found in the hunting camper today. PLEASE don't post anything publicly just yet.

thinking it may have been exposure to gas or carbon monoxide"

Not believing it, you click on the one you brother in-law sent you and read this:

"Tara tried to call, but it said that number was not accepting calls(phone was dead, voice mail full)...David and jimmy were found dead in the camper at the hunting club today. No real details yet, so we dont really know what happened. Tara asked if you would not post anything on here yet...it's just a little soon. She just thought you'd like to know though."

I'm going to see my friends for the last time tomorrow at 2pm.

Every hour it sinks in deeper and deeper while I stare at their names and numbers in my phone. I don't want to go see them tomorrow. I'm mad at them for leaving. I'm mad that they aren't going home to their families. But I owe it to them. I know that they would tell me that I better come see them, but I better not mourn. They would never forgive me if I didn't tell them I loved them one last time.

I know they weren't ready, they didn't want to die. I've heard their plans for the future. I've lost Grandparents and distant relatives but this hurts the most. Two best friends gone at the same time. They weren't old, they weren't sick, they weren't druggies. Never once have I thought that they wouldn't be in my life.

Its more than devastating. I'm more than sad. I've always been linguistically gifted, I can normally find words to describe all feelings. I can't find any words to describe this. Gutted, staggered, dazed, nothing. Life goes on, I'm still alive and I'll try to get passed this but it will never go away. Tomorrow I have to face their wives, their children and worst of all, their parents. Parents aren't supposed to see their children cold and lifeless in a wooden box. I don't know what I'm going to do when I see them tomorrow. I'm hoping I wake up and it was just a nightmare. That they are on their way to my house, calling me to find out what kind of beer I want. Knowing that I have to go see my friends, for the last time, dead is absolutely excruciating. I'd give anything in this world to get them back, even if its only for minute.
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Old 07-26-2012, 01:01 AM #4
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Tempted, you're on a very destructive course, there was no way you could have known this was going to happen and blaming yourself won't change anything. If you continue on this course I fear you may drive yourself into a corner and follow them to the grave sooner than your friends would want.
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:16 AM #5
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Its different when they are your loved ones. I've told people that there is nothing they could have done. Its nobodies fault. But this is the first time I've felt it. Its easy telling others not to blame themselves. Its impossible to tell yourself. Last year I watched another life long friend lose a battle to brain cancer. When he passed his wife blamed herself. She said she chose the wrong course of action and he could have lived longer. She still blames herself and is still in a dark place. I told her she did the right thing. She couldn't have known what was going to happen and at the time it was the best option. I told her to keep pushing forward and not look back. Now I understand.

Her ripple effect started with Allen decided he didn't want to go to the doctor after months of stomach pain. One day he couldn't handle it and decided to go get checked out. They found the cancer and after months of rehab we thought he was clear and healthy. A few months later he had debilitating pain in his head and went in for an MRI. They realized that the cancer had entered his blood stream and started forming in his brain. His options were to let the cancer run its course and live another few years or treat it and live even longer. Tracy convinced Allen to have it treated, against Allen's opinion, and live a long time. Allen was still weak from the first round but said he would do anything for his wife. In his weakened state his body just wasn't able to pull through the treatment, and he died a month later.

Until now I had never known the effect that guilt has on you. I'd never faced a ripple effect of this magnitude so it was easy for me to tell Tracy she did nothing wrong.

I know it wasn't my "fault" and that I did nothing wrong. But even knowing that I still feel guilty. I still feel like I had a major part of this situation and my actions were directly related to their demise. I wasn't wrong, didn't do anything malicious or have any intent to harm anyone. It still doesn't change the way I feel and the thoughts running through my head.

If you were driving on the interstate at 2am and a child ran out in the middle of the road and you hit them, it isn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped it or changed anything. You couldn't have saved their life. But you would still feel guilty. Responsible for their death. You would never justify it or forget about it. You would blame yourself no matter what other people tell you. That is exactly how I feel right now. David and Jimmy are the child, the generator is the car and I am the driver.
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Old 07-26-2012, 10:04 AM #6
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I'm deeply sorry about your friends, man. That's good you realize that you aren't to blame for it. Unfortunately these sort of terrible things happen, often in unpredictable ways and at unjust times. Make sure you talk about everything that's on your mind with someone in person, if you haven't been already.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:22 PM #7
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I told everybody to leave me alone. Never been much of an emotional guy and I feel like a little girl when I start tearing up in front of people. Its normal, I know, nothing to be ashamed about, still just uncomfortable. Heck the only people I would talk to about this kind of thing with is David, Jimmy and my Dad. Dad was with David last night, had to leave though and couldn't be here for the ceremony. I've been to funerals and most of the time you don't know many of the people there. Man, its a whole lot harder when you know everybody there.
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Old 07-27-2012, 02:14 PM #8
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there arent too many words in the english language to describe what you have experienced, all i can say is im sorry. a lot of people are not familiar with CO poisoning especially if you don't live up north. i know you feel responsible in some way, but what else could have been done? deal with the heat every time you feel it never to consider a solution? not fix the generator? i think if you re-examine your role in this, you really could not have done anything differently.

i am sorry for your loss...i have some friends like you described. i can only imagine what you're going through.
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Old 07-27-2012, 08:44 PM #9
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Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un

"Who, when a misfortune overtakes them, say: 'Surely we belong to God and to Him shall we return'." {Qur'an 2:156}
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Old 07-30-2012, 10:59 PM #10
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This is about how David viewed the quran.

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Old 08-01-2012, 04:53 AM #11
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i'm sorry but LOL if that's david...
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Old 08-01-2012, 12:59 PM #12
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Looks like a class act.

Did he ever read it?
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:29 PM #13
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doubt he's picked up anything more than a cabela's catalog
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Old 08-01-2012, 05:13 PM #14
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Looks like a class act.

Did he ever read it?
And you look like a terrorist, that make is right to judge you?
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Old 08-01-2012, 05:17 PM #15
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that pic would be the golden definition of redneck

abstract, don't get mad. he's just a typical derp. you post something positive but his ignorance attacks you and not me.

Last edited by Frankie told you... : 08-01-2012 at 05:21 PM.
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Old 08-01-2012, 07:49 PM #16
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And you look like a terrorist, that make is right to judge you?
1) I'm lighter skinned than my Italian friends. I don't really look like a terrorist, whatever they look like.

2) It wasn't so much him as it was the cigarette, rifle, and POS lifted ranger on 32 inch tires, although he didn't really radiate class either.

Since you seem so nice and are making him seem like such a nice guy also, I realized I don't really care that your friend died. Maybe if you stopped being such a prick God wouldn't involve you in any more deaths of your friends.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:10 PM #17
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1) I'm lighter skinned than my Italian friends. I don't really look like a terrorist, whatever they look like.

2) It wasn't so much him as it was the cigarette, rifle, and POS lifted ranger on 32 inch tires, although he didn't really radiate class either.

Since you seem so nice and are making him seem like such a nice guy also, I realized I don't really care that your friend died. Maybe if you stopped being such a prick God wouldn't involve you in any more deaths of your friends.
This is a ****ed up thing to say.

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doubt he's picked up anything more than a cabela's catalog
Wow frank. This is low even for you.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:12 PM #18
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This is a ****ed up thing to say.



Wow Frank. This is low even for you.
why?
the guy posts a peaceful quote out of his chosen book of worship and the derp posts ignorant **** about it. doesn't surprise me since that guy(david) is the class of people he hangs with.

edit: what's even better is that i gave him **** from the start but OP attacks him.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:18 PM #19
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1) I'm lighter skinned than my Italian friends. I don't really look like a terrorist, whatever they look like.

2) It wasn't so much him as it was the cigarette, rifle, and POS lifted ranger on 32 inch tires, although he didn't really radiate class either.

Since you seem so nice and are making him seem like such a nice guy also, I realized I don't really care that your friend died. Maybe if you stopped being such a prick God wouldn't involve you in any more deaths of your friends.
You see a ranger? Moron. Cigarette makes you a bad person? Like I said earlier, we were HUNTING partners you idiot. We don't hunt with sticks and rocks like you monkeys. We use firearms. That picture was one I took when he was checking out a new scope on one of my guns. So its cool for you to judge someone else by the truck they drive(a Toyota, by the way you fruit loop), the clothes they wear and the hobbies they pursue but you get your panties in a wad when someone judges you? I don't know what Allah says about that, but God told us not to judge people. Its his job. You're the one being a prick. Already for get about this comment? "Looks like a class act." You started the nonsense but you cried when I continued it.
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:20 PM #20
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2:05

"the defense department regret to inform you that your friends are dead 'cause they were stupid"
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:24 PM #21
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why?
the guy posts a peaceful quote out of his chosen book of worship and the derp posts ignorant **** about it. doesn't surprise me since that guy(david) is the class of people he hangs with.

edit: what's even better is that i gave him **** from the start but OP attacks him.
I don't think he knew that Abstract was middle eastern to begin with. Whatever. Still ****ed up to make fun of the guy that died instead of the OP's comment if that's really what he meant with the picture. I thought that guy David actually did view the quran a bit and the pic was just unrelated.
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I don't know what Allah says about that, but God told us not to judge people
I think the same goes for Allah. I don't know. Supra may have to correct me. I've only been reading about Islam for like 2 days.
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