Official GIRL THREAD (Problems, Advice, etc)

AndyAllen019 · 11-04-2009, 02:10 AM

(Original credit, and thread poster, for this idea goes to TylerValo.)

I'm tired of all your threads.

From now on please post your problem here and wait for an answer.

Quote:

xPBxFREAKx · 11-04-2009, 02:11 AM

Ok, so weird situation here. I usually know how to handle this sort of stuff, but this girl's different.

To start off I've been interested in this girl before, and we've been out once but she claimed she wasn't ready to get back into a relationship, and I didn't want to pursue it after that.

So for the story of me compared to this girl. I'm 20 years old, I'm agnostic, smoke cigarettes, drink a ton, and do drugs on occasion. She knows I drink and smoke cigarettes, but I don't think she knows about the drug use. The fact that I drink and smoke makes her upset.

She's 24, hardcore religious, never had a sip of alcohol in her life, never smoked, she's still a virgin, and only been in one relationship where I don't think she went any further than kissing honestly.

Ok, so back to now. I wanted to get with her, but realized how much I'd have to change and said **** it and moved on but still always had small feelings for her. So I used to see her all the time because she worked with me, but she got a new job so I rarely ever see her anymore, and we talk very rarely and its usually just facebook chat. Well she worked on Halloween because she still works weekends occasionally and I was shocked to see her. She came in and first thing she did was walk right up to me and tell me how much she missed me and told me about how upset she was that I was about to leave. I worked the morning shift, and she was coming on for the night shift. So I told her about a Halloween party I was going to that night and told her she could come with and didn't have to drink, and if she didn't drink then I wouldn't drink either and she said she would think about it and let me know.

Well a few hours later she texts me and tells me she's not going to the party but that she wants me to text her regularly to make sure I'm safe and things like that so I told her I would. Well I get drunk and manage to text her at like 4:30 in the morning with a text that simply said, "alivve". She called me at about 9:00 the next morning to see if I was ok, which shocked me because we never talk on the phone and she knows I hate talking on the phone, but she was trying to be really sweet, but I was still really drunk and made an *** out of myself.

So last night I text her and say "I think I need to see more of you". Right as I sent it I realized how dirty that could have sounded to this Christian virgin girl, so I immediately start typing a new message when I get a text right aback that says, "Lol... You know I could take that in 2 different ways. Haha". This coming from the little virgin girl threw me for a loop but I decided to stop the dirty texts and simply said that me only seeing her for like 10 minutes every other month wasn't cutting it. She then said she agreed and wanted to hang out ASAP so we decided on Saturday night. I asked her what she'd like to do and she said it didn't matter and that she'd be fine just hanging out.

Ok, so now that I'm done being nostalgic and typing my novel, I'm pretty sure this was a date she set up, but I'm not for sure. I've never had a girl set up a date before, or take initiative at all for that matter (makes this girl even hotter personally). Even though she set up whatever we are going to call this, I feel I'll have to make the final decision on what we end up doing. So I ask you, what should we do? Last time we went out, I took her to a hockey game, then dinner and a coffee shop afterwards.

And then should I bring up relationship discussions? She knows i used to like her a lot, and as far as I know still thinks I like her. I would really like to pursue a relationship with this girl, even though I know for a fact that I'm going to have to change a lot about me. I feel it's for the best and that I need to mature anyways and that she will be a big enough reason to do it, because honestly, I don't think I'd change otherwise.

If she gives me hints towards wanting a relationship or a guy in her life at all that night, should I make a move? I know she is probably very inexperienced with situations like this, so I don't want to seem too forward, but then again, I want her to know how I feel.

Should I just come out and tell her exactly how I feel and let her know that I'm willing to change to be with her? That's what other people have told me to do, but I feel like once I tell her this, she will realize she has control over me and then do as she pleases.

I realize this is long as **** and I apologize, I've been writing a research paper all night and my fingers just seem to keep moving at this point.

Thanks for the help girl gurus.

Skate_Banana · 11-04-2009, 03:58 AM

sounds to me like she doesn't want a relationship with a guy who is the complete opposite of her or maybe someone her parents/friends won't approve of. But the way you're describing it, it sounds as though she wants a friendship, which is technically better than nothing, but don't get your hopes up if you're wanting more in the relationship than she expects. You can try to show her you'll change but girls know that guys can only change for so long, especially since she's a bible banger. In my opinion, test the waters for a little bit and if it's not headed in the direction you want, remain friends but set your goals on another girl who fits your criteria.

starforbrian · 11-04-2009, 04:13 AM

Don't change for a girl just so you can get in her pants. Find someone who likes you for YOU.

Skate_Banana · 11-04-2009, 04:17 AM

i'm betting that she won't hand out her v-card to someone who her parents would disown her for talking to. She's probably waiting for marriage to lose it, so unless OP is in for the long haul, it's not worth wasting the time if that's what he's waiting for

Q-Unit · 11-04-2009, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starforbrian

Don't change for a girl just so you can get in her pants. Find someone who likes you for YOU.

This. I ****ed this up once. Made me more enemies than friends. Don't ever change for a girl. Totally not worth it

whiteyg0tgame · 11-04-2009, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xPBxFREAKx

Ok, so weird situation here. I usually know how to handle this sort of stuff, but this girl's different.

{dot, dot, dot}

Thanks for the help girl gurus.

Fun situation here! Do you actually think this girl has anything you can relate to? You guys are polar opposites. Do you like her solely for the reason that's she is different than most girls and it sparks your curiousity? Or do you actually know the girl on the inside and care for that person? Considering you refer to her as the Christian virgin you seem to be intrigued and not sincerely interested, but who knows! The bad boy meets the good girl. It's a story as old as time, and you usually end up being the ******* that she regrets. I know you've heard the story before, we all have. Is that something you're ready for?

Anyways, it seems like there are two major factors here: Going for a relatioship and changing for her:

Going for a relationship -
I think that is nice of you to consider a relationship considering the type of girl she is. I would suggest not talking about it until it's actually necessary. Go out on dates, hang out, talk on the phone (Facebook chats and text messages just don't cut it, man up!), etc. You'll get to a point where you know a relationship is the next step and you don't have to ask us if that's the case. That's when you talk about it. It's during this time that you'll figure out whether or not you are going to need to change for her. Most importantly, you're going to figure out if you want to change.

Changing -
None of us are or are going to be the same person we were yesterday. Change is NEVER a bad thing. Changing for someone else is. If you feel like you want to stop drinking and smoking and doing drugs so much because that's the person you want to be... then she is going to be able to help you facilitate that change and become the person you want to be. If you feel like you're trapped and just want to go out and drink and smoke and can't because of her; you need to reconsider being with her. You never want to feel like there is a different life you should be living when you're in a relationship with someone.

Another thing you have to remember are your friends and her friends. Typically people that smoke, drink, and do drugs... well, they hang out with people that smoke, drink, and do drugs. People that don't do those things, hang out with people that also don't do those things. Any successful relationship is able to maintain mutual friends from both sides of the party. Do you think she's going to like all your friends and you'll like hers? Because I doubt your friends will stop smoking, drinking, and doing drugs for her.

Summary

Hang out a little and see if you're truly interested and if you actually want to change knowing she can help you. If you go a few weeks and still feel good about those things, then just keep going!

*edit*

I never said this before, but I typically start typing and don't stop until I'm done. So if the structure of my responses are a little shaky and there are typos... I apologize, but I am too busy to proofread

xPBxFREAKx · 11-04-2009, 08:01 AM

I've hung out with her friends, and she's hung out with mine. No crazy barriers there. And it was late when I was typing that. All of her friends drink as well, she just chooses not to. So I won't have to give up drinking completely, just stop pounding a case every other night. Plus I've been wanting to stop smoking for a while now.

And I'm not doing this just to get in her pants. I've been with a lot of girls, and honestly, I don't see all the hype in sex. Maybe I'm not good at it, or I've never slept with anyone who was, but it all seems exactly the same to me. I'd be just fine getting with this girl and not having sex. Really. She is different from every girl I've ever met, and she doesn't seem to force anything on me. Like she knows I'm not a fan of religion at all, but she still hears my discussions when I talk about why, and we can talk about anything and everything for hours on end.

Plus that whole, her not wanting a relationship ordeal, that was back in like April. She's changed a whole lot in these last few months as well.

And it's not a question of her parents as she doesn't even live with them. She's staying with someone else I work with, and her friend cuts my hair so I'm over there a lot (the haircuts are terrible, but it's an excuse to see her). Her parents live a completely different life than she does.

whiteyg0tgame · 11-04-2009, 08:10 AM

This may not be relevant, but I'm curious... why do her parents live a different life than her - or why does she live a different life than they do may be a better question...?

xPBxFREAKx · 11-04-2009, 08:14 AM

She moved to Houston with her Bible school because they got relocated, and the other girl I work with that's living here, (the haircutter) attends a church near them and they agreed to take her in for a year, they grew closer during the year and she has chosen to still live with them, even though she isn't going to the bible school anymore.

She's starting to question all of her religious beliefs now actually.

Q-Unit · 11-04-2009, 08:58 AM

organized religion is stupid as hell. idc what you believe in but don't force it on me. thats my opinion.

good news tho. my broha got some new chicks to chill so i guess were hanging out tonight. he says she's cute so we'll see what happens tonight i guess

feed me a stray cat · 11-04-2009, 09:01 AM

First pageeeeeeeeee.

Q-Unit · 11-04-2009, 09:20 AM

bad ***

bubbleboy016 · 11-04-2009, 09:24 AM

subscribing. good morning.

udflyer (Banned) · 11-04-2009, 09:50 AM

Uhhhh im so confused. Girls are driving me crazy right now.

My gf broke up on Saturday when i visited her, She is in school 2000 miles away and im in the military. We had been making it work but I pushed her away. Im going to deploy and didnt want to hurt her so i tried to do what i thought was right but ****ed up. Long story short, since saturday we have hung out twice while ive been home on leave. Last night she said that everytime i try to actually be myself and treat her right like i used to it hurts her that much more because shes afraid that all the feelings are going to come back. No idea what to take from this statement. We loved each other, had a good relationship up until about 2 months ago. Would really like to get her back but im not sure that will ever happen.

Problem 2, girl where im stationed i had started talking to when my gf was getting distant back in sept and told me she thought she wanted to end things. We (ex and me) never officially ended things as she was waiting to see if id try to get her back. So girl 2 ends up being married, we talked for like 3 weeks then stopped that. Monday morning she text me and says she is divorced. I dont want anything with this girl but she will not leave me alone. Now im unsure what to do with her or my ex.

Drizzy Drake Rogers · 11-04-2009, 10:00 AM

First!

whiteyg0tgame · 11-04-2009, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by udflyer

Uhhhh im so confused. Girls are driving me crazy right now.

{dot, dot, dot}

Problem 2, girl where im stationed i had started talking to when my gf was getting distant back in sept and told me she thought she wanted to end things. We (ex and me) never officially ended things as she was waiting to see if id try to get her back. So girl 2 ends up being married, we talked for like 3 weeks then stopped that. Monday morning she text me and says she is divorced. I dont want anything with this girl but she will not leave me alone. Now im unsure what to do with her or my ex.

Distance is a huge issue I don't think many relationships should endure without being married or close to it. You have been on-again-off-again with your ex since September (since she went to back to school?) so she is obviously having doubts and wants to embrace her current life. You being in the military and stationed so far away with the ability to only come back once in a while is quite the damper on a relationship. "If you love somebody you should set them free."

As for girl two, it really is a no contest. You don't like her and you are not interested in things going farther, so listen to yourself and don't let it progress. It looks like it's time for you to just move on and be a young, single, military man.

udflyer (Banned) · 11-04-2009, 10:10 AM

youre probably right.

|Simplicity| · 11-04-2009, 10:46 AM

Yeah, break the girl off, go to the military, dont die, and then watch the look on her face when you come home a man and you dont love that ***** NO MORE.

classic. goodluck, oh, and dont write her either. she wont be waiting.

edudcixlsyd · 11-04-2009, 10:46 AM

God damn I love sleeping in and missing my lame classes

I'm going to eat a super huge and tasty breakfast before I show up at school just in time for lunch and then have my real classes.

alex456 · 11-04-2009, 10:52 AM

religious girl story was full of angst, but I'm going to steal that "so I think I need to see more of you". that's great.

*Official* GIRL THREAD (Problems, Advice, etc)

*Official* GIRL THREAD (Problems, Advice, etc)

Official GIRL THREAD (Problems, Advice, etc)

Official GIRL THREAD (Problems, Advice, etc)