If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, and 5.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and the little voices will tell you which button to press.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Please wait for us to trace your IP.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press, no one will answer.