Holliday's new class.. stalkerish..

[StrangeHolliday]

Ok have you ever been stalked ? Been the stalker ? or made a hair doll ?

This class will be on stalkers simply because in my workplace I can't think of anything else lately. Its a battle zone down here where its every man for himself. I work in cubicle hell where 'office space' rings true on a level most of you wont be able to comprehend, and American Idol jabber threatens from all sides to swallow my everlasting soul. The demographics don't help either. My workplace is 90 % women, 8 % gay men and 2 % straight men. Being a minority is hard enough, but think about those numbers for a minute. Over 95% of the people here want the D. Only ~2% have D available. Every day for me is like being a cheap dvd player at WalMart on the day after Thanksgiving. On top of that, I'm hot, and somehow word has got out that I get up in those pipes like I'm a Mario Brother.

On to the problem at hand though. I feel like i've lost my man hold. I no longer am able to piss in the urinal, I've been forced to use the stall and sit to piss. Which doesn't help because i have this phobia of accidentally wiping my ass with my shirt.. I find myself constantly checking the shirt, the cracks in the stall to see if this stalker has followed me into bathroom. When you are recognizing people solely on the front half of their shoes, its gone too far. By now you should've realized that this isn't your typical stalker. We are talking man on man stalker.. and its freakin me out! I get up to go to the bathroom. BAM ! he follows me.. I swear I feel like its a scary movie and i'm hiding while he searches the room for me. For some reason he thinks we're the best of buds. Because hey, I dont hate gay people; I'll be nice to you, all I ask is that you stay off my nuts. Apparently thats just too much for some people, and this is where I have a problem. If I treated the women around here the way he treats me, I'd be fired within a week. It seems like being gay gets you a free pass to harass anyone you want though. I dont know if he knows that i notice all the things he does but I'm on to him. I can actually recognize the sound of his footsteps behind me as he tries to catch up with his gay skip-walk. Its to the point where i have to talk to my manager and human resources. I can only imagine his home is filled with pictures and burnt candles, and incense burning over a bowl of my pubes he's collected from the bathroom.

I've come up with avoidance tactics, and I've stopped being subtle about them, but nothing seems to get through. Its like his plucked eyebrows provide a shield of ignorance. I don't understand how gay guys can't tell another guy is straight. I mean, I can spot a dyke from 50 paces. I know that hemp necklaces and cell phones in belt holsters mean that those stores have a no-dick policy, so I don't peddle my wares there. Its ricockulous. I walk walk out to lunch and there he is right behind me, trying to catch up with his power walk. He tries to talk to me but i always quickly open my phone and fake a call. I'll walk down the hall and he'll yell my name and ask me lispily (you're right, thats not a word) to "come here" because he wants to "talk" to me.. ugh.. then he doesnt even have anything to say.. just " hey, hows your day?" UGH! everyone at my workplace knows i have a girlfriend, and for that matter, a kid. Its not like sombody who shops at The Limited is gonna convert me, so what the hell. What would you do ? because I can't fight him, can't tell him to EFF OFF! because i'll get fired.
Put yourself in my shoes... Lets say your a sexy sexy man in a workplace filled with people that are lower on the life scale than you. One of them just happens to be a homosexual and wants your sweet little virgin ass. They follow you everywhere, What DO YOU DO ?

oh and Www.As-I-B.coM

[Steve@GF]

Hmmm... that's quite a predickament you're in there Daniel.
There may be hope though. Looks like the courts have found in favor of guys claiming male on male sexual harrassment.
Complain to your boss, sue the office fag, and make a few million in the process!

http://www.employer-employee.com/sexhar4.html

[StrangeHolliday]

Hmmm... that's quite a predickament you're in there Daniel.
There may be hope though. Looks like the courts have found in favor of guys claiming male on male sexual harrassment.
Complain to your boss, sue the office ***, and make a few million in the process!

http://www.employer-employee.com/sexhar4.html


Ya i guessi have to talk to someone first though huh? .. I mean i've told this stalker to stop , because i'm too busy to " chat " etc etc.. but it continues.. at this point its harrassment right ?

[Prea]

i think its time to call a hitman

[Steve@GF]

The way I understand it, if you are made to feel uncomfortable by a co-worker's unwanted advances/comments/actions -- whatever -- you've got a case for sexual harrassment. I'm no lawyer, but I think you've got a legit complaint to take to your supervisor.
Either that, or pull some reverse-psychology on Nancy-Boy. Stalk him right back and see if he backs off. Buy him flowers, rub his shoulders, talk about American Idol, etc... A lot of times "the thrill of the hunt -- wanting what one can't have" are what powers a stalker. ....Not that I'd know anything about that.....

[Ronan]

The way I understand it, if you are made to feel uncomfortable by a co-worker's unwanted advances/comments/actions -- whatever -- you've got a case for sexual harrassment. I'm no lawyer, but I think you've got a legit complaint to take to your supervisor.
Either that, or pull some reverse-psychology on Nancy-Boy. Stalk him right back and see if he backs off. Buy him flowers, rub his shoulders, talk about American Idol, etc... A lot of times "the thrill of the hunt -- wanting what one can't have" are what powers a stalker. ....Not that I'd know anything about that.....

you are so setting him up to get drilled in the ***.

[FBH ALL STAR]

Well, I would guess the most logical thing would be to make yourself disgusting. Stop bathing, shaving, leave that crust in your eyes when you wake up, and if possible try to smell kinda bad. If your outstanding beauty is all he is after then being gross should sending him running for the next guy. Oh, one more thing, maybe wipe with your shirt...that might be enough to gross him out.

[Eels23]

Time to tape your back door shut.......

Andy:P

[StrangeHolliday]

Well, I would guess the most logical thing would be to make yourself disgusting. Stop bathing, shaving, leave that crust in your eyes when you wake up, and if possible try to smell kinda bad. If your outstanding beauty is all he is after then being gross should sending him running for the next guy. Oh, one more thing, maybe wipe with your shirt...that might be enough to gross him out.


The man is onto something

[D-Bombshizzle69]

Jeremy is never on anything besides Isaac lol

[Steve@GF]

you are so setting him up to get drilled in the ***.

LOL! Come on! You've got to admit if it works, what a brilliant move it is!!! Of course, if it doesn't, it'd probably end up in a murder-suicide.

[StrangeHolliday]

LOL! Come on! You've got to admit if it works, what a brilliant move it is!!! Of course, if it doesn't, it'd probably end up in a murder-suicide.

Steve I've been sitting here for the last 2 hours trying to think of something to say to you. Wanted to say something about you being gay yourself.. but .. i got nothing.. touche '

[Steve@GF]

Steve I've been sitting here for the last 2 hours trying to think of something to say to you. Wanted to say something about you being gay yourself.. but .. i got nothing.. touche '


LOL! Give it a few more hours.

[crazyAL]

Ok Dan, listen what is from now on known as the "MASter PLaN" (suspensful 'da da daaaa' music now plays). Ideally what you want to achieve here is a few million dollars, it's better than murdering the guy for the following reason:

a) you get MONEY
b) you can retire and play as much PB as your gay-disliking heart desires
c) did i mention the MONEY??

So here it is..:
On monday morning you shall go to work, after tending to at LEAST an hour session of male grooming, you must look your best (put your self into a wedding day situation), i mean every fine detail. Shave using the sharpest blade you can get for a baby bottom like effect. Use the most expensive cologn you have, and use LOADS of it. You shall then proceed to wearing your best designer clothes. I mean you have to be looking better than you looked on prom night bro!

Now for the trick.. Place a dictaphone in your pocket.. When at work, you 'decide' to go to the lavatory, make sure the culprit is watching.. Give him a wink.. And when you get there start washing your hands until the culprit arrives, be VERY friendly to him, ask him how his day is going, how work is, where his last vacation was. AND THEN.. GET PERSONAL, ya, thats right Dan,.. ask him what his favourite flavour ice cream is..... Then shut up, suddenly and as soon as he replies with a personal question start yelling and screaming, HELP, RAPE, HELP ME!!!, of course this will raise attention in the office, you must insist you he was 'touching you' and everyone will believe you, seeing as they all want your D.

Now of course you had recorded all this, and in the court of law you will claim that you 'happened' to have left your dictaphone on. You will then win the case and get 100 000 0000 000000 00 0 0 , 00 ,0, 00 ? ? dollars and happily retire on the beautiful island of cyprus and spend the rest of your paintballing days in peace and harmony surrounded my gorgeous european women who shall treasure and respect the D for the rest of your life..

The End

[Crapflingeur]

or you can just tell him you have a girlfriend, a kid, and you know how to place restraining orders.

[Chris Cole]

Steve - the fact that you know where those links are scares me.

Ronan - Of course Steve is trying to get Holliday's oil checked.

Holliday - One word to turn off the gay man: Flatulence.

[TDK]

what the fuck holliday, seize the day. get the gay guy to buy you abunch of shit, then once he realizes you're using him he'll tell all the other gay guys you're a tease. kill two birds with one stone.

[pyromaniacs1]

You cant fight him...He's gay. You can't cuss him out, 'cause it'll be some sort of harrassment. I'd have to flee the state.

[bounusball75]

"virgin ass" we have all heard stories of what they did to you on the strange bus.

[h8townhunny]

"virgin ***" we have all heard stories of what they did to you on the strange bus.

what THEY do to him? obviously you have no idea what our sex life is like. let's just say we like to experiment... "Thunderstick 2000"... *bzzzzzzzzzz*

[Chris Cole]

what THEY do to him? obviously you have no idea what our sex life is like. let's just say we like to experiment... "Thunderstick 2000"... *bzzzzzzzzzz*

I'm not old enough for this class.

[bounusball75]

what THEY do to him? obviously you have no idea what our sex life is like. let's just say we like to experiment... "Thunderstick 2000"... *bzzzzzzzzzz*


well Idk about that but, from my inside info I heard it involved a gorrilla suit, a canilope and a bunch of zima....on more than one time and sometimes a rusty trombone or 7 from lp.

[h8townhunny]

well Idk about that but, from my inside info I heard it involved a gorrilla suit, a canilope and a bunch of zima....on more than one time and sometimes a rusty trombone or 7 from lp.

zima?!? pfft.. that's a pussy drink. we only drink Natural Light... from a can.
and i have no idea what the hell is a "canilope"...

[bounusball75]

canilope or cantilope...I"m not sure exactly how to spell it. Anyway you don't know the power of zime, it would make paul adlers foam at the mouth.

[DeeEmFive2]

I can tell Holliday wants him. Just screw him.

[krezvani]

I only read the first post so im not sure what every ones advise was but this is what I have to say on this matter …..

I have first hand experience on this matter and I’ll tell you what I did to get him off my ***. I too had a stalker at the work place but in my case it was a supervisor who was stalking me. Although he was not my immediate supervisor, he was still in a authoritative position. On occasion I had to work 1 on 1 with him which made me very uncomfortable bec he would try to get real close to me when we were alone. One time he patted me on my *** and said “Im going to have to spank you if you don’t finish the project by tomorrow”. I didn’t feel comfortable going to my supervisor or HR to report him bec I thought it might jeopardize my job and I didn’t know what to do. He too knew I had a girlfriend but it was as though he didn’t care. Everyone told me to confront him and set him straight but I didn’t want to do that either. So I came up with a plan of my own.

I decided to treat him just like a heterosexual “guy”/friend. Every time I was around him and a woman passed by, I would tell him “hey look at her, shes cute” or “ohh yea shes my type”. I didn’t care how ugly the girl was, I made sure he knew I was looking/interested in her. I figured this way, he would know I am defiantly only interested in women and that I am a jerk/dog because Im always chasing all the women in the department. I just had to be careful not to get to detailed/vulgar bec the things you say about the girl might get back to her. I also asked my girlfriend and all my female friends to swing by to go eat lunch with me and I made it a point for him to see I like to hang out with women. After a few weeks, he got the message and backed off completely. I guess I lucky because I didn’t have to confront him or report it.

Now you could try to do what I did and if it doesn’t work, go to your HR department and report him. I know exactly how your feeling and I sympathize with you. Good luck and I hope things work out for you dude.

[JCPballer06]

HAHAH I didn't read all of it but I have the same phobia of wiping my ass w/ my shirt!!! That's fucking great

[pbmenace]

HAHAH I didn't read all of it but I have the same phobia of wiping my *** w/ my shirt!!! That's ****ing great
ROFL! i know how u feel!!!dont whana get confused :rolleyes:well i had some gay kid that was always looking at me at school i just told him to f off..

[#1p8ntballa06]

you are so setting him up to get drilled in the ***.
i could just see it now....http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d195/wcwildcats06/roatan_guys1.jpg







but hey, you dont ahve to worry about that anymore....http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d195/wcwildcats06/culkin_behind_bars.jpgthe cops found him fondling a little boy 4 cubicles down from yours. YOUR *** IS SAVED!!!

[Aight]

Man that's rough, I say you make an example of him. Corner the guy when he follows you into the washroom and drop his ass. Then boot fuck him into unconciousness. When he wakes up tell him it'll be worse if he squeals and to tell his "bros" that there's more of you to go around if they want to play too. Stomp his ****ing fingers and then roll out.

[pbmenace]

^ very creative....i think......But still very homo

[CrossOutTheEyes]

Rep an "Anti-Fashion" sticker or pin on your desk or something.


PS: You and Billy beasted in vegas, I started walking toward you to ask you for a motive shirt, but you ducked out after getting your food maddd quick.

Good class.

[StrangeHolliday]

Rep an "Anti-Fashion" sticker or pin on your desk or something.


PS: You and Billy beasted in vegas, I started walking toward you to ask you for a motive shirt, but you ducked out after getting your food maddd quick.

Good class.


thanks.. didn't have any motive shirts with me at that event though.. try chi town.. i'll bring extras..